Hosea's wife, the purpose of marriage, and other things God has been talking to me about today.....

The word of the Lord that came to Hosea the son of Beeri, in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah, and in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, king of Israel.
When the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea:

“Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry
And children of harlotry,
For the land has committed great harlotry
By departing from the Lord.”

³ So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son^.

^{-Hosea 1:1-3}

     I have many friends who are military wives, and my pastor's wife recommended a book called Married Mom, Solo Parent, by Carla Anne Coroy, as something good to give to encourage and help any I knew.  Here is a link to the book on Amazon, for any who might benefit from it:  http://www.amazon.ca/Married-Mom-Solo-Parent-Challenge/dp/082542626X

     I quickly decided to buy one, just to read so I could gain insight into what it is like to be a wife with a husband away due to job or other difficulties, and devoured the book in two days, mostly on the way to/from Vanderbilt Hospital today for Joseph's MRE tests.  After reading the book, I found it was a wonderfully encouraging book not JUST for military wives or wives of those whose husbands have demanding jobs away from home alot, but even for wives of husbands who just happen to be guys who don't get it right all the time, as well as for wives who tend to create idols in their hearts out of the idealistic expectations they have of marriage....which means, if not pretty much everyone, then a whole heck of a lot more people than just military wives.   Alot of the advice was convicting to my heart, and that is what I wanted to write about tonight. Keep in mind these are the impressions I took away from the book after reading it; I don't have the book handy now, as I passed it on, and so I couldn't tell you at this moment the author's exact thoughts or intent, just how it spoke to me.

     I started this entry with the opening passage of Hosea.  As a woman, I have actually always loved the story of Hosea.  It's in a weird way, sort of romantic to me to imagine this prophet of God named Hosea swooping in to rescue this emotionally broken prostitute, and it does indeed paint a beautiful picture of the depth of God's love for His people, and the depths of our sin He has cleansed us from.  I actually never considered how Hosea felt about it.  Here he is, this prophet of God, who probably had atleast a base expectation that God's plans for his future marriage would include a nice Jewish girl from a proper family, and that he would be her first love.  But that was not God's plan for Hosea; his purpose in Hosea's marriage was to show Israel how they treated him, and yet his great faithfulness and love toward them.  If Hosea was to have had a successful marriage, he had to have let go of his original expectations, and ask God for new ones. 

    The thing is, most of  us women (atleast I think I am not that weird about this) LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of a knight on a white horse, coming in on his trusty steed, accepting us despite our brokenness, removing our shame, and placing us in a position of honor, despite the fact we may or may nor have been acting honorably.   We want more than anything to know what it is to be loved unconditionally.  The problem comes, I think, when we realize the knight himself is not as perfect as we envisioned, and that God is calling us to greater things than just a marriage that serves our own selfish ends.  We long to RECEIVE unconditional love;  But how many of us long to EXTEND that love to others, and most especially the husband we married?
I know when marriage begins, the rose colored glasses are on, atleast for most of us.  But at some point,  the quirks and personality distinctions that were so cute when we were dating begin to get under our skin, and then loving that other person is no longer such an easy thing. There is also the fact that marriages don't happen in a vaccuum of heaven on earth, shocking I know. lol Add in all the sin issues within our own heart juxtaposed beside our husbands, and without a whole lot of prayer and intentional forgiveness and communication, pretty soon you have a recipe for disaster, it seems.  I have seen it in my own heart at times.  Joe has certainly done and said things he shouldn't have done, as have I, but ultimately I have the choice of whether I view my husband through a lens of tenderness, forgiveness, and unconditional love, like Hosea did for Gomer, or whether I allow bitterness and hardness to consume what feelings I may have.

    The truth of Hosea is that ALL of us who know Christ were that broken prostitute, redeemed, washed, forgiven, and transformed by His great, beautiful, boundless love and grace.  Yet when it comes to our husbands, we withhold that same transforming, boundless love for lesser crimes than these. 

I think a big part of that is that in our culture, we don't understand the purpose of marriage anymore.  God has been showing me in the last couple years that the purpose of my marriage is NOT my happiness, although there can and should be much joy in serving God in the context of marriage.  The purpose of marriage is not to make me or Joe happy; it is another vehicle God uses to make us HOLY,  and to be a witness and testimony to a lost and dying world of the love of Jesus for his bride the church.  Our marriage should be filled with that kind of love.  And when I only want to love my husband if he is doing everything right and serving me according to my expectations, well, that's not really love at all.  It's more like a form of emotional prostitution, which is pretty messed up actually.  The funny thing is, this whole idea of loving someone like this is terrifying to the world, but it's actually a very freeing love.  When my love, my peace, my joy are not centered on my husband's performance, but on what Christ says about me (He loves me perfectly)and how Christ treats me (He died for me, so there is no question ever where my Savior's heart is), it frees my husband that much more to be the man God has created Him to be.  It also frees me to appreciate all the wonderful things he does do for me, all the hundreds of little ways he shows his love for me that were minimized in my eyes before, because I couldn't see past his imperfections. 

    Truly loving my husband does not mean making myself a doormat.  It may mean doing all I can to be a helper by covering my husband's weakness with grace and love, not keeping a record of wrongs.  It may mean confronting him lovingly, or it may mean standing back quietly in prayer so that the Holy Spirit can work without my interference. For someone in an abusive relationship, it would mean loving yourself (and the abuser) enough to get away and get the professional counseling help you both need, allowing the abuser to experience natural consequences of his actions,not out of maliciousness or bitterness, but striving to have a heart of forgiveness and to keep him from hurting you or others further.  The attitude of our heart is key.   I am not called to be the Holy Spirit for Joe or anyone else.  Sometimes the only thing God expects out of me when I see a need is not to nag, but to pray.  I'm honestly not all that good at standing silently and praying. 

I still have so, so much growth to do with this.  I still too often respond in anger when I should respond with love and grace and proper boundaries.  There are many women far, far wiser than I who would sit better in the position of a teacher than I ever could.  That's why I link to the book, because honestly there was a lot there I thought could encourage someone else.  My blog is just about the things God is showing me, and what I am learning, so I hope anyone who reads this will recognize I am not sitting in the position of a teacher, but more a friend over a cup of coffee sharing where she is at right now.  And I can tell you, honestly, that in the last few years, as I have latched onto this truth and begun to grow in it, my marriage has been better, happier, stronger.  It's not an overnight kind of transformation; more quiet and gradual.  But it is being transformed, as I am.  Hallelujah!  I hope it will be said of me that I never took the grace of God for granted, and that I was equally willing to share that grace with others, most especially my husband and beautiful children. 

 

(My friend Rebecca took this picture last fall.  She has a website at www.harmonyhomestudios.com, and does a fabulous job.)

Wow.  I haven't ever consistently written on this blog, but I think that may change.  I have mostly posted to fb, but since my posts are kind of wordy (yes, I am quite verbose when I want to be, and sometimes even when I DON'T want to be, lol),  and mostly I post for my kiddos someday, that this might be a better way to record my thoughts and day to day ramblings. 
I posted the picture above, because it seems like an honest portrait of our family.  We're a little crazy, a little fun, but never dull.  
I can't believe at this point that it was only last December that my firstborn son Joseph was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.  For two years prior, he had not grown any, and had bouts of lowgrade fever and headaches.  My mommy intuition knew something was wrong, but nothing was evident from bloodwork or the specialists we saw.  Then on the way home from a family trip to VA, Joseph developed a high fever.  When we saw the doc after that, he referred us to a pediatric GI here where we live.   They did scopes in December, expecting to find Celiac disease, but instead we got a Crohn's diagnosis.  We asked to get a second opinion, and they referred us to Cincinnati Children's hospital.  We made a trip up there, where we met Dr. Saeed, who answered questions and confirmed the original diagnosis.  We came back with a treatment plan, but the doctor here was not supportive of the plan we had made in Cincinnatti.  After much frustration and a low point where Joseph basically was bedridden for a month,  we transferred to Vanderbilt for care.  Immediately, he began to improve.  Since June, my son has had to be on an NG tube, while he simultaneously began Remicade IV infusions (an immunosuppressant) to hopefully kick the Crohn's butt and get his condition in remission.  It's been a tough journey, but my son is a fighter,  and I can see clearly how God is using this condition to grow him, and me, to be more like Jesus. 
Tomorrow morning, Joseph will have an MRE to look at his intestines, and see if healing has taken place.  I am hopeful. 

God's sovereignty, Jonah, and other babblings.....

I was reading another entry someone had written today, on the Proverbs 31 woman website.  The author made the point that God was doing a good thing for Jonah when he caused a fish to swallow him; he kept him from drowning.  I honestly had never thought of it like that before.  Then I thought about my life, and how I have identified with Jonah's failings, and it really put my past trials and difficulties in a different light.  I'm still new to this idea of divine providence and the idea of God's sovereignty, but more and more I am finding it to be a great comfort.  I know that I don't run my life so well sometimes; what a relief that I don't have to run the universe for Him either.  The idea that God can cause ALL things to work for my good, even hard things, is a powerful thought. 

A Psalm of My Own

I am currently being mentored by my pastor's wife, and my assignment this week was to write a psalm of praise to God based on scriptures we have been discussing.    I thought I would share it here.  

My Psalm

Bless the Lord, O my soul.

Let the meditation of my heart and words of my mouth be filled with your life-giving, abundant Love.

I praise you O mighty God, because of your many wonderful works.

Your name alone is a fortress; a bulwark of salvation to those who hope in you.

You alone are worthy of the praise of my mouth; your holiness is ever before me.

I have said to my heart, let us seek the Lord while He may be found. Let us ascend His holy hill and climb to His holy mountain. Let us come to His holy habitation, and commune with him.

But how can I, O God? Like Isaiah, I am a woman of unclean lips. My sin is a constant, hateful companion. How may I enter your gates, and ascend your holy hill? For you are pure and true; No sin can dwell in your presence.

I come to you, Father, in my spiritual poverty. I come to you, and in boldness born of the experience of knowing your great love for me, I beseech you for eye salve, that I may see clearly, and for cleansing and forgiveness from all my sin. Only you can make me whole. Only by your grace and your mercy may I come into your presence. Of myself, I am unworthy; And yet you welcome me with open arms, a prodigal returned.

I will tell of your works to all the people; I will sing of your compassions which never fail! I will declare your Word to all who will listen! Your praises shall continually be in my mouth!

Praise the Lord for His faithfulness! Surely he has born us as a mother nursing her child! Though we each have turned astray, He has been steadfast, constant, and secure.

Where else can we turn that will satisfy the longings of our soul? You alone have the pathways of life. You alone are worthy of our affections and attention.

Let us tear down the Asherah poles; let us put away with idols. Come, O people of God. Renew your zeal; let every place of pride be brought low in our hearts. In our humiliation, let us be truly humbled to seek the face of God. Let every place of weakness be used to exalt you, O Lord.

A mighty fortress is our God; your enemies flee at the puff of your nostrils.

With your gaze alone you level mountains. Though I be surrounded by ten thousand of my fiercest enemies, I will fear not. For you are with me, and I place my trust in you.

I will place no trust in my flesh; it is weak, fading, and frail.

I will place no trust in my mind: it will bend truth to make lies.

I will not look to my storehouses or the number of my “chariots”, for all these things belong to you truly, Lord. You make men great, and you bring them low for your divine purposes and plans.

You and your word alone are what sustain me. Your Spirit is what flows inside me, bringing life and teaching me the ways of truth. 

  How great is the King! Let all the nations tremble before him! Let every knee bow and every tongue confess the wisdom, power, and love that is the God we serve! Amen.

Update!

Say what?! Nothing has been posted since February? Well I better fix that then! Let's see... What all has happened in the past few months:
1. Naomi was born in March! So she's six months old now! She's adorable.
2. We moved (again!), but this time, only across town. Thankfully not to ANOTHER state.
3. Thats actually about it. I just wanted to write the number three. I added a picture of darling Naomi because like I said, she's adorable!

God's goodness in Many Places

“Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

So Abram went, as the Lord had told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran. And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions that they had gathered, and the people that they had acquired in Haran, and they set out to go to the land of Canaan. When they came to the land of Canaan, Abram passed through the land to the place at Shechem, to the oak of Moreh. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” So he built there an altar to the Lord, who had appeared to him. From there he moved to the hill country on the east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. And there he built an altar to the Lord and called upon the name of the Lord. And Abram journeyed on, still going toward the Negeb.”

-Genesis 12:1-9, ESV

The other night, I had a dream where I went back to Virginia to visit some good friends. In my dream, it was a very short drive and I showed up at the Yee's house. So then I went in and visited with my friend, who in my dream had just put her baby to bed. All of her other children were still awake, and we talked about a dance convention they had recently attended, as well as just marveling at how much her children had grown. On the way out of her house, I bumped into another good friend, the leader of one of the homeschool groups I had been a part of up there. Again, it was good to see her and we hugged and talked and then I got in my car and drove home. At that point, I woke up. It way WAY too early to actually get up, so I lay in bed, and bittersweet feelings overwhelmed me. I felt sad that it was only a dream, and that such a spontaneous type of visit was not impossible. At the same time, I realized how blessed our family was, to feel such deep emotional connections in multiple physical places, and I realized that along with the hardships of moving to a new place, there have also been many blessings. At that moment, I wondered how universal our experience was, and I would LOVE to hear from others if, after reading this blog post, they could share if they identify with what I am saying here, or if it is something unique to my perspective.

At heart, I am a small town girl. I spent all of my growing up years in the same town. Even when my parents divorced when I was in third grade, my mom and stepdad built their new house down the road from my dad's. When I hit high school age, I had a hunger to see the world, but not necessarily to venture out permanently beyond the safe confines of my small town existence. I felt giddy with anticipation when I went off to college a whole HOUR away from my small town, as some might have felt who moved to another state or country. Reflecting back, it seems almost humorous to me now how I perceived such a small distance as a distant place. It was at college that I met my husband, and we spent the first years of marriage in this same small town.

Looking back, I can see the hand of God clearly in our lives at that time. It was a rough time of transition for us, as we finished college and adjusted to the changing realities of being married and starting and having a family. Along the way, God sent many people who sowed love and care into our lives. I remember fondly the married couple who led the first church I was a part of there, and how she volunteered to watch my then one year old daughter free of charge one day a week, so that I could take the last of my two classes to graduate college. I remember the BSU director, Dr. Joe, who married me and Joe, and couseled us so lovingly in a difficult time. I remember the first church we were a part of as a married couple, Trinity, and especially several of the pastors there. Pastor Mike counseled us on occasion and mentored Joe (my husband) in many ways at a promise keepers group, while the Senior Pastor at the time, Pastor Eddie, modeled to us true humility and compassion for the lost, and transparency in his struggles serving God. Our young married class was a place of growth for us as well; the married leaders at that time, first the Grogans and later the Kings, both in their own ways enriched our walk with the Lord and our marriage to each other. We formed several deeper relationships with friends in our church, and so when God made clear it was His will for us to move to Virginia, it was not a vision I embraced enthusiastically. And even though there was a stirring and a restlessness in our hearts, I wondered how we could ever feel a part of a community of believers as intimately as we had in that place. But we felt a peace when we considered the move, and in our hearts we knew God had opened the door. So we set out with expectation of His provision and excited to see the plans of God unfold. That, however, did not mean there were not tears or sadness as we left the familiar for the unknown. The small town girl sought to “enlarge her territory, and to drive the tent stakes outward”, trusting that it was God's will and His best.

So we arrived in Virginia, in a little town, sight unseen to myself before we actually were moving into our first home. The first order of business was to locate Wal-mart, and I wondered indeed to what God-forsaken place my husband had moved us to, when he explained that the closest Wal-mart was FORTY FIVE MINUTES away. But we adapted. There was certainly a period of time that I struggled with depression in this new place, feeling abandoned by my old friends (no one really called or checked on me, and that stung a little) and not yet feeling close to any new ones, as relationships take time. I see now even in this the hand of God, as he used my isolation to show me He could be enough, even if it was not a life lesson I embraced enthusiastically. And over time, God led us to our first church family there, and I began to feel a part of the community of believers there. At that church, we saw the love of Christ modeled so clearly in their love for each other, and they received us with open arms. There were many large homeschooling families in that church---I say large, because at that time, they seemed large to me, but really they were no larger than my family is now, most having no more than four or five children. But seeing the love within these families grew my and Joe's vision of children being perceived as a blessing, and not a curse, as the world often perceives them, and our own ideas about the kind of family God had called us to raise changed as well.

There came a time there, though, when God stirred our hearts again that He was calling us somewhere else to grow and minister, and it was about that time that a Sovereign Grace Church plant started in the area. We had never heard of the Sovereign Grace churches before, but from the first service we attended in the Pastor's home, it was clear to us that the Holy Spirit was saying it was where He wanted us to be. So we left our other church, not in hostility or brokenness but with love and gratitude in our hearts for how they had been a part of our lives, and set out to help in this new church. It was difficult to leave, for they in fact were our family to us. But we knew the Lord was calling us, so we put aside our feelings of sadness at leaving them to obey His call. We were there for two years, before God sent us here to Alabama.  Again, it was hard to leave, because we were so content in our church home there, but we felt the Lord was saying to go. So we left, feeling a bit like Abraham, not knowing to what body of believers he had called us, but knowing He was opening the door. And we moved ourselves, and I worried who would unpack us in a strange place, where we knew no one. And then J found the church online that we attend now, and they all showed up on our unpacking day, atleast 30 or 40 people who did not know us but showed up to help us just the same, all of these total strangers, and our truck was unpacked in no time, and I was in awe of God's goodness. 

My point to all of this is that while it is hard to move from a physical location you are comfortable in, I see now how it is also a major blessing. I see how God has grown us in ways he never could have if we had stayed in Tennessee. I may have known when I lived in Tennessee that God could be bigger than one place, but until I experienced the reality of that truth it wasn't a meaningful thing to me. Now that I have lived it, I can say with confidence what a mighty God I serve, a God who knows know physical boundaries or limitations. Does that mean I never worry or fear? No, unfortunately, I am still quite an anxious person sometimes. But my faith has grown because of my experience, and I find peace and comfort in knowing that I serve a God who truly does know the end from the beginning, and causes all things in His sovereignty to work for the good of those who love Him.

When I woke from my dream the other night, this was what was stirred up in my heart, and I wanted to share it with others. I wanted to encourage other believers, that if God is asking you to do a difficult thing, you can trust Him. He is the good Shepherd, and He is faithful. He leads us beside still waters, and He always, always takes care of His children.

Blogging.....

Wow. I haven't posted on this blog in a while. Since I last posted, We have moved to Alabama, and now Joe and I are expecting our seventh child---a little girl--- on April 9. (Our sixth child is in heaven, due to it being an ectopic pregancy. So it will be our sixth child here on earth.) We moved  in June, I believe, and since then have settled in quite nicely. We are currently renting a house and house hunting, hoping to find something with land and room to grow as a family. I was looking back over the past blog entries tonight, and realized how nice it was to have these entries, as sort of a memorial of where God has brought us from and where he is taking us.
It was difficult to step out and leave Virginia, because we loved the people there and were very happy in our church and with the homeschool community there. But I can see now how God is growing us here in Alabama, and how his hand has been on us through the entire journey of moving here. We have found a wonderful church family here, and continue to wait expectantly for what the Lord will do in us and through us in the community here he has placed us within.