Sunday, September 8, 2013

I have one follower on this blog. And My Blog

Well, I am excited to say I have one follower on this blog, and it's my good pal Gretchen! So shout out to you, babe! lol  We chicks have to stick together! (I follow her blog too, though she has a couple more followers. ) :)  Seriously, I figured people were getting tired of my long facebook ramblings, so I brought it over here.  And while I am hoping a few more of my friends will be reading,  I am not one who desires fame.  Fortune might be nice; fame, not so much.

I seriously stress out about even the idea of it.  And since it appears I am in no danger, that's a good thing.  I'm not joking.  I get a panicky feeling when I consider if I ever got famous after writing a book, how I would gracefully turn Oprah Winfrey down, or that Good Morning America show.  Because I DO NOT want to be analyzed in the media.  like ever.  They stress me out.  Too much liberal bias for me, and since me and my life don't fit that well with either the democrats or the mainstream republicans,  I doubt I would get love from either side in the media.  I mean, I backed Ron Paul.  That pretty much sums up how popular I would be.

Then there is the whole skeletons-in-the-closet thing.  When people are famous, all you had to do was ONE TIME in the 1970s look at someone the wrong way, or pick your nose in public, and they drag it out and parade it and try to make a mockery of you.   They analyze how you look at the beach, what your grandmother said or did ---it's insanity really.  I have NO DESIRE to be put on a public pedestal.  Not to say I have no pride I struggle with;  I do.  But that is NOT it. I suppose my fears are really a manifestation of my pride in the inverse, since I hate the idea of being dissected publicly and found wanting.  So humility would say if God ever chose to use me in a capacity that required fame, I would welcome it.  That is what I am striving toward.  But not quite there yet.  So I am happy in the meantime with my own anonymity. 

Here is the other amazing thing to me about people in masse--it's like we LOOK for reasons to be OFFENDED.  I realize that people will say and do things that hurt us; I am a sensitive person, and I myself have experienced this when it seemed to be intentional and meanspirited.  But other times, people have no idea.  And when you are in a leadership role or in the spotlight, it is 1000 x worse.  It's funny to me how much most of us expect other people to cut us some slack for our own weaknesses, but when it's someone else we will instantly assume the worst of them.  I have the utmost respect for people in authority, even the President and Congress, even if I don't have much love for most of the current people holding those offices.   And don't get me started on the empathy I feel for pastor's wives and kids. 

So let me say it now, and say it once for all:  If I post about homeschooling and my love (or even frustrations for it), that is NOT an indictment of you if you don't.  If I stand for the sanctity and holiness of marriage, that is not condemnation of you if you happen to be divorced or single.  I know that marriages take two people to make them work, and all any of us have control over is the person we see in the mirror.  If I believe it's a wonderful thing when a mom is able to be a  stay at home mom, that doesn't mean I'm judging you because you have to work to support your family.   If I sing the praises of large families, don't assume if you have one or no kids that I am judging you as less.   I don't think having absolute PRINCIPLES on which I base my life means that the application of those principles will look the same for everyone.  Alot of us are doing the best we can to serve God and walk this faithwalk out, and yes, there may be a few judging and sneering at you here and there.  But how much are we showing of our own heart when we are so prideful, we can't even allow others to have different convictions without judging them inferior for them?  When someone lives their life a little differently than we do, and the only way we can deal with it is to put them down, there is something wrong in our heart, not theirs.  Disagreement is not wrong; namecalling, gossiping,  and bashing people are inherently evil, and not something that has a place in any Christian's faithwalk.  If you want me to give you something absolute, let that one be it.

This blog is a practice in writing for me, and somewhat of a spiritual journal for my friends and family.  If someone else is blessed by it, that is awesome.  I am not a teacher or professional counselor.  I am just a mom of six kids, who loves Jesus, trying to do the best I can to honor God, my husband, and the people God has called me to minister to my life as he brings them my way.   I think blogs are great places to inspire community, but there are a whole lot of people who write as if they are self-proclaimed experts on whatever topic they choose for that day.  And I am no expert of anything, except maybe the school of myself, and the selfish desires of my heart, and how God is transforming ME.  So things God has given to ME I will share, which may or may not work for someone else.   I mean, come on, if I want to know how to parent, I am not going to look at a mom of preschoolers as a seasoned veteran.  Such a mom may have wonderful things to share, but her advice is in many ways not tested yet.  The other thing to me seems to be that the people I have encountered with the best advice were often the older moms who weren't placing themselves in the spotlight of their own volition, did not give advice unsolicited, but just the love their husbands and family had for them was so obvious that I couldn't help but be drawn to them.  Or maybe just seeing the humility they had, even if they had difficult relationships within their family, told me they were someone I could learn from.  These are the kind of women I run to for counsel or advice.  In the same way, feel free to share a bit of this journey with me, but know much of my journey is still to come, I hope.  So I am still learning so much, still growing.  And I prefer to be meeting with people eye to eye, not looking down at them because they have placed me above them.  In any case, I am clumsy and I am sure I would fall quite quickly and painfully.
Even the name I chose for this blog is not meant to be taken as me teaching everyone else; it's actually a play on words about me sitting at the feet of my savior, that I may learn.  He is the one teaching here; I am just a student. 

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