tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46734356697164634762024-03-18T23:53:58.430-04:00Being Martha, Becoming MaryAnd Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” -Luke 10:41-42
Joe Cherryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12187103460723086750noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-28946366117833778192020-03-13T21:19:00.002-04:002020-03-13T21:50:53.727-04:00Short term homeschooling advice for all my public school buddies facing quarantine :)<div data-contents="true">
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<span data-offset-key="33fs0-0-0"><span data-text="true">I am starting to see facebook posts/pictures with cringeworthy "schedules" for those in public school to use over the next couple weeks, while they may be home with their kids, facing a potential weeks or month long quarantine due to COVID 19. I say cringeworthy, just because for me personally, I have tried doing schedules like that so many times, and often it has ended with me feeling like a homeschool failure. Sometimes the learning curve for parents with homeschooling can take a while. So with that in mind, I thought I would share what I have learned over my time as a homeschool mom, in the hopes that it helps those who are forced for the next couple weeks to join our ranks, and makes the experience more positive and less stressful:</span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="33fs0-0-0"><span data-text="true">1. First, let me offer this encouragement and thought: My understanding from reading people's posts is that my public school friends will actually still be utilizing classes and teachers through the public school system, just online. So in that regard, what you may be doing will be done at home, but it will not completely or truly replicate homeschooling. I only say that to say please, please, please, don't walk away from this experience--if it it wasn't as positive-- assuming that what you experienced is the sum total of what homeschooling could be. Your experience may be wonderful, or it may be the most stressful time you have ever had, but that doesn't mean if you ever have to homeschool again for a longer period of time, it would be the same as homeschooling during a public quarantine. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">2. Know and accept your personality and how God made you, and how God made your kids. If you are a woman who thrives on structure and you are up every day at 5 am to work out exactly thirty minutes, or all of your day is scheduled to the minute normally, and you thrive on that, then hallelujah, good for you. Find one of those schedules I think of as stressful and cringeworthy, and rock that bad boy with no shame! Seriously, I think that is awesome and I am a little jealous, because I have always wanted to be as structured as someone like you, but it's just not who I am. Those schedules are out there because someone is blessed by them, I am pretty sure. And that is great for them. That is just not my natural bent. On the other hand, I do love a good plan--it just has to be one with a little less structure and that leaves more room for transition times. Other people like to fly by the seat of their pants completely. Fact is, every mom and every kid are different. We are all unique, and that is a beautiful thing. One of the benefits/blessings of homeschooling is that you can CHOOSE how you want to run your educational activities in a way that fits your personality and your family. So if running a tight ship is your style, go for it. I fully support you and say, rock on, my friend, But if you are like me, and your ship is more of a pirate ship mojo, then most likely a schedule of minute by minute activities is just going to stress you and your little pirates out. In that case, ABORT mission and find what works for you, my friend. This is one of those things where you can save yourself alot of stress by not comparing yourself to anyone else, looking at your life and the ages of your kids, and pick the level of scheduling that is natural and works for you. Some people schedule by the minute, or half hour. When I had babies in the house, their afternoon nap time was prime time for us to get more intensive work with the older kids accomplished. Nowadays, I try to be consistent at having a flow of activities for my day, but the times they happen varies. I try to be consistent about when we wake up, lunch, and bedtime. Point is, figure out what you and your kids need, and do that. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">3. Don't try to replicate school at home any more than you have to. Yes, the kids need to get whatever book work is needed done, so I am not advocating they don't do that. I am saying that this quarantine could be an awesome opportunity for your family to grow in relationship together. Pick some good quality book/books to read aloud together for the next month at some point every day. (There are all kinds of free classic literature online available through Project Gutenberg, that you can download onto your kindles or ereaders.) Schedule some fun movie nights. Go on a nature walk. Help your kids put on a "play" or puppet show in the living room. Play some board games. Bake cookies together. If you know how to sew or knit or crochet, maybe you could take this time and do a simple project together. The opportunity that I see in this quarantine is that all of our schedules- homeschool, public schoolers, private schoolers- are going to slow down a whole, whole lot. Just for a few weeks, the pace of our life is going to give us room to focus even more on building relationships with the people we live with and love the most. See that opportunity for what it is, and be intentional with it. Have fun with it! When we mommas have joy, our homes are better for it. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">4. Be proactive. This is going to be a challenging time, I know, for all of us. Being confined with people for an extended period of time is difficult and will stretch all of us. But talk to your kids, get them on board from the beginning, that this is a time that our family can pull together and by being intentional about being kind to each other, not pestering each other, giving each other space for solitude or quiet times as well as some planned activities, this time could be a wonderful memory someday. Sit them down, if they are older, and get them on board. Maybe you could talk to them and find out some activity idea they would like to do, that would motivate them to be considerate, kind, and intentional about making this a pleasant experience from their end. Clearly define your expectations of what constitutes good behavior, and brainstorm some realistic potential family rewards for the end of quarantine, if you can all pull together and all can go well. It might be a family trip to a favorite restaurant or ice cream shop, or to see a new movie. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">5. Get outside daily, if you can, and if the weather allows.. Find time to let the kids run around in the backyard, or take a nature hike. I know that I find nature to have a therapeutic, restorative effect. Take advantage of that to restore your sanity when you are at the end of your proverbial rope, and help your kids run off some energy as well. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">6. If you are like me and you need quiet time, then figure out a time of the day in your home as a quiet time, when everyone retreats to their own spaces for more solo activities, like reading or napping or journaling. Designate some favorite, quieter toys that will only be allowed out during those times, so that everyone gets some mental and emotional space to restore equilibrium. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">7 When you do that readaloud thing I was talking about, don't make your kids sit and listen. Perhaps allow them to play with quiet toys on individual blankets in the floor while you read, or doodle or draw at a table, or even work on a knitting or quiet handicraft while they listen. This is one of our favorite parts of homeschooling as a family, and an excellent way to grow your children's attention span and help them learn to appreciate wonderful literature. Start with a fun book you know they will enjoy, like The BFG (Big Friendly Giant) by Roald Dahl, or maybe the Narnia stories by CS Lewis, or the Harry Potter books. Readaloud is fun when kids aren't made to sit unnaturally still, and this is the kind of habit that might carry on in your family well beyond the current quarantine.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">8. There are all kinds of educational videos on Amazon Prime, as well as various online learning sites like Khan academy or duolingo. Make use of those free resources as needed, or when the kids just need something different from whatever they're currently doing Pick a country to learn about, watch videos, and cook a meal one night of simple foods from that country. Find music on Google music or Apple music from that country, and play it while you eat, to add ambiance. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">9. Make plans, but be prepared for some of your plans to go awry. Know that that doesn't mean you failed; it means you and your kids are human. Plans are good and helpful, but don't lose hope if things don't go how you planned. Every good general plans for battle, but they know that once they are on the battlefield, all bets are off , and they have to act based on what is happening in reality. It's the same with coaches on the field of any sport. And it's definitely the same with homeschooling. It's good and beneficial to make plans, but it's okay to change course when you need to and go in a completely new direction, if that seems to be what will work best. </span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">10. Begin your day with atleast 10 minutes reading the word and praye, and a short meditation. I probably should have put this one at the top of the list. I know that I find that beginning my day in prayer sets the tone for my day, and helps me to be more prepared for whatever comes at me. I love using the Lectio 365 app, which is a free app for Biblical meditation, but I also enjoy using the Calm app on my phone, when I have a moment here and there. </span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="14ftq-0-0"><span data-text="true">Anyway, these are tips/ideas I had, that I hoped might help others. Here's hoping that with a little humor, compassion, and kindness toward one another, that we can get trhough this trial with grace and aplomb.</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-42791220666833723382019-01-26T22:30:00.000-05:002019-01-26T22:30:07.280-05:00My 500 words Challenge I just signed up to do a writing challenge, put out by Jeff Goins. The challenge is to write 500 words every day for atleast 30 days. This is Day 2. I want to develop a writing habit; what better way than to attempt this challenge?<br />
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In the last two days, my husband and I worked on cleaning out our playroom and changing it over to a home office/craft room. It had been a complete mess. A while back, I attempted to make it usable for me to paint and craft in, but then everyone else's stuff crowded out my things on the community table in the room, until there was really nowhere for me to be. It was very frustrating. The truth is, for most of my marriage there has been nowhere in the house that was truly just mine to do with as I wish. Anywhere I would stake my claim would quickly be overrun with other people's stuff. My sweet husband could look around and see this was true, so on our date on Tuesday, we talked and he agreed that it would be a good idea for us to each have our own desks and to have the table to be for the kids, for board games, art, and sometimes their sewing projects. This way, he and I both have one place in the house that is just ours, and we can keep it how we like it. We talked about fixing the room on Tuesday, but I expected it would take a while to do. But to my excitement, on Friday, while he was off work, he began rearranging the furniture. Then yesterday, and this afternoon, we were able to find two used desks that fit the space requirements to go in the room from the salvation army and another thrift store. (One of the desks was only 7 bucks!) We decluttered and sorted, and moved furniture, and now tonight, here I am sitting and typing at my new space for creating. To say I am excited is an understatement. I sit here, sipping a decaf coffee, with the smell of toasted vanilla chai candle wafting in the air around me, feeling a sense of accomplishment and peace. Now I have a sacred space for my writing time. And now I am on day 2 of the writing challenge. <br />
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I am not sure exactly what direction I will go in with this writing challenge. I have said for a long time I would like to write a novel. I also ordered a writing planner online, that should come while I am attempting to do this. When it gets here, I may blog less and work instead on attempting a novel. Of course, I would love to think it would be a GOOD novel, but in reality at this point, I think I would just feel good if I actually finished one, even a terrible one. I am over forty years old; that means a good bit of my life is past. I hope to be around for a long time, and to live a full life, but no matter how long I live, I know life is short. I want my life to count for something. Not with people, necessarily, but with God. I believe God put me here, with things to do, and maybe some things to say, and a voice to say them with. I want to find that voice, and use it, while there is still time. I don't want to waste my life just trying to make everyone happy and coming to the end and finding I wasted my time, and missed the point. I am not sure if writing figures into this or not for me, but I will never know unless I try. <br />
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I will probably go through my Scrivener tutorial tonight or tomorrow, just so I understand how to use the writing software. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-60945906282665893892019-01-25T08:17:00.001-05:002019-01-25T08:24:55.120-05:00I am not "successful", and that is okay. Well, I am trying to build a new daily writing habit. I am not sure what will emerge or come from this attempt; perhaps it will fail like other attempts I have made. So much fear of not being enough has honestly always held me back. I heard a podcast by Jeff Goins, called The Creative Portfolio, entitled The Most Transformative Year of My Life, or something like that. It is an awesome podcast, and I highly recommend it. It resonated with me on so many levels, and the words that came out of his mouth could easily have been mine. He talked about how all his life, he felt like nothing he had done had been a success. How he had this core issue of feeling like he was never enough. This was man making a six figure income as a writer, who is living part of my dreams. It's hard for me to understand someone I view as being so successful feeling that way, honestly. Maybe when you look at my life, it makes more sense. I don't know. But the truth is, it's how I have felt too. I look at my paltry efforts in life, and feel sad. I have lived half my life, doing the best I can, giving all I have, and it just seems insufficient. It's like there is this emptiness inside me, that as much as I have tried to assuage and repair, it's always there. I have run from it, tried to hide it, tried to make up for it, worked harder, pushed harder, made checklists, anything and everything to "fix it". But yet it has remained. The emptiness and fear and uncertainty. I know people see it in how I talk. In my almost frantic search for answers, for a relief from the pain of not being enough. From not being sure of who I am and what God put me here to do, and this horrible feeling that I am botching things all up.<br />
Maybe this sounds strange for a person of faith, but it is my struggle. And it's NOT because I am not a person of faith. I am a Bible believing Christian. I had an awareness of my sin at the age of six, and I understood intuitively I could not come to God on my own merits. On one level, from an early age, I have known peace with God. I have understood that Christ was my mediator because of the cross and Resurrection, and I willingly and gratefully accepted that truth and embraced it wholeheartedly. I longed for His holiness and His love, goodness, and purity to cover me, and to radiate outward from me to others. I have spent my whole life trying so hard to "be good", not to earn salvation, for I knew I already had that, and yet, somehow, what God had already given me, I was trying to prove worthy of. Yet when I looked at my life, it is filthy rags.<br />
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And as I listened to this man's podcast, I understood how I had known spiritual truths in my head but hadn't let some of them get to my heart in a way that they would change my thinking. I realized I have lived for so long in fear of what others will think of me, even in fear of being such a colossal disappointment as a daughter to God, that it had robbed me of the joy of knowing Him at times, and even of knowing and loving myself. I am over forty and I honestly don't know that much about myself. I have waited for God to come down on a cloud, or speak to my heart in a way that would let me know what He expected out of me. Because I don't know. Now, don't get me wrong. I know His moral law. There are things I do know he expects out of me as regards morality, and I do my best to live according to His will in that. But there is a whole lot of life that I have no clue what He is wanting. And the truth was, there have been times in my life where I failed in living His moral law out. I was the youth pastor who got pregnant out of wedlock, and I knew what it was to feel like a bunch of God's people had turned their backs on me. Now in all fairness, there were also believers and friends who stuck by me, and loved me. But it was harder to see that, when I was so focused on those who rejected me and didn't stand by me. Who didn't even want to acknowlege me or my failure. And it seemed I have lived this rejection over and over, confirming my unworthiness. Confirming my lack. Confirming that I was not enough. <br />
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I have all these decisions I am trying to make, truly wanting to please Him, wanting to do what is best, and I honestly have no idea. There has been no Jesus coming down on a cloud to speak with me, as much as I would like that. And all this time, there has been this fear in me, that doing the things I enjoy might lead me to sin yet again, or to go against God's will. Since I didn't know what He wanted, I was afraid to pursue what I wanted, lest I fail and He abandoned me.<br />
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Maybe, writing it down makes it all sound silly. I do know some doctrines, like God's Sovereignty. I regularly read and study my Bible. Still, it brought me only a little peace. I was never worried, mind you, that I was going to mess up God's bigger plans. The concern was always that I would make choices that ruined my own world. Even the fact that God would use my mistakes for my own good, if I trusted Him, wasn't much comfort, since I was struggling to know if I was trusting Him that well, even though I was trying so hard. I just felt like God's problem child. I knew I was His, but others around me were the sons and daughters that made Him proud. I was the black sheep, the woman with a scarlet letter, Because of past sins, and even just my own lack of "success"- which was always that nebulous, unattainable thing that others had and I didn't- I felt like an outsider among God's people. Even though I loved them. Even though the deepest longing of my heart was fellowship with them.<br />
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The funny thing was, I could get alone with God, and things would be okay. I would feel peace. I would experience His love. I would know for a brief moment that I WAS enough in His eyes, and because of Jesus, I could have relationship with Him. But as soon as I was back out in the world, all the doubts and fears and realities of my insufficiency would overwhelm me like a tsunami of grief and loneliness. And when I talked to people, I could see they were trying to help. But their words felt like platitudes. Like bandaids on a mortal injury. Just as insufficient as I felt.<br />
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But then I have realized some things recently. Yes, I am broken. There are definitely parts and things about me that still need redemption, and need to change. I openly admit that. But there is some fundamental part of me that God also loves, as I am. There are things about me that God made, that are how God meant for them to be. I can trust Him, and by extension of that, I can trust that He will lead me using that part. It's okay that I don't have all the answers. I can learn. I can grow. I can make mistakes and keep learning from them. So I have tried to acknowledge my fear, to feel it, to accept that I struggle with it, and to move forward regardless.<br />
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I have tried to start this year, with what I know about God, about my relationship with Him, and about myself. I know a few things. I know that I love Christ, and more importantly, HE LOVES ME. I am not the black sheep, even though some people might see me that way. I don't have to be successful according to the world's standards, because, according to what Christ did on the Cross, while I may be broken and insufficient in many ways, He doesn't see me that way anymore. I am made ENOUGH. And I can trust, because of what He is doing in me, renewing a right Spirit in me, that He will lead me. Failure isn't fatal anymore. In fact, if my motivation is right, failure is irrelevant.<br />
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I don't have to apologize anymore for being emotional, or making people uncomfortable because of being essentially who God made me to be. I can choose things for myself, based on listening to God's moral law, and when that is unclear, then I can trust Him to lead me from the desires of my heart, out of good things. Because I do want many good things. I want to be a vessel of honor for God. I want to be used by Him to love on other human beings. I desperately want my life to count for eternity.<br />
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I have tried recently to consider what things I actually enjoy, that I would do whether I felt compelled to do them or not. What would I do, if there was no other agenda and no fear of failure holding me back? If money were no pressing concern? I think I would still homeschool my kids, because I value my relationships with them so much, and because the honor of discipling them and coaching them is something we as parents only get for a limited time. Having a grown daughter has made that all the more apparent to me. I think I would also choose to teach classes to other older students, because I love teaching. I love history, and literature, and science, and writing. I love seeing kids wrestling with great ideas. I love seeing a kid's face light up when the see a truth for the first time, or fall in love with a great author or great book, or a science concept makes sense and excites them. I think I am someone who loves to facilitate connections. I love helping connect people in ways that bring healing, and build community. I love writing poetry , and ministering to people with my words. I love that by sharing my story, someone else can understand that they are not alone in their struggles, and be encouraged to press on. I love to create art that ministers to someone. I love to run, even though I run slowly. I feel powerful when I push my body and accomplish goals. I love God's word. I love discipleship with individuals, and encouraging others to run their race, especially women and young people. I know too, that I love spending time with my Savior in His word, and beholding His face. I think maybe I am beginning to know myself. And this person I am, because of Christ, has some redeeming qualities, despite my fears.<br />
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I still have alot of things I am unsure about. I am not sure where God is taking me. I have many decisions I am praying about right now, but I have more peace than I have had in a long time. And I believe it's all going to be okay. I have decided to focus on building habits, rather than punishing myself for all my mistakes. I set my first priority as being in God's word on a daily basis, and am working my way though a plan on my Bible app. Then I decided that I want to write, and I need to just do it. I may look stupid, I may be ridiculous to anyone else and it may be a pipe dream, but I have decided the attempt matters more than the result. My husband has encouraged me to follow my dreams, whether they are financially prudent or not. To do what I love, and quit worrying so much about having enough or doing enough. Or even being enough. To accept that I AM enough, and I have nothing to prove anymore. So here I am. I plan to get up at 5 am each day just to write for an hour each morning. Today was the first day I did that. It's time to see if the dreams I have are truly my dreams, or it's time to dream new ones.<br />
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For too long, I have stared at the road less traveled, afraid to take the first steps. But now, it's time to begin. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-79894160821510475012018-05-04T10:27:00.004-04:002018-05-04T10:37:30.695-04:00Living the Good LifeWell, t minus one day to the wedding, and I just feel like I have reached such a good place in my life. And not because life is perfect. It's just <i>good</i>, ya know?<br />
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As I am typing this, the sounds of someone walking on my roof were what woke me up this morning. At first, I couldn't figure out what the sound was. I laid in bed and contemplated the possibility of a raccoon. lol I wondered WHAT on earth my father in law, who is visiting for the wedding, was doing in the next bedroom. Then I remembered our roof, and that the repair guy had said he would be here sometime this week. Our roof has been leaking for a while, but money has been tight. So for a while, we put buckets in the attic, just trying to make do until we could save the money. But a bucket in the attic just wasn't going to cut it anymore. There was a storm last week, and the ceiling in the boys' room was soft, and now there is a HOLE in the ceiling of the boys' room, where my husband's foot went through. Anyway, it was past TIME to repair it. And it's costing us money I wasn't anxious to spend while also helping to pay for a wedding. So when I say life is good, I am not referring to the roof repair.<br />
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There are, if I look for them, still a thousand and one reasons in my life I could find, if I wanted to, to say that life <i>isn't</i> good. (Although even those frustrations have their blessings in them.) But there are also a thousand and <i>two</i> reasons why life <i>is good</i>. Today, all the reasons why feel larger to me. More important.<br />
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I think I have had YEARS of my life I have wasted, so consumed with pain for the rejection of people that I wasn't really put here for, and all this time there have been people around me that I WAS. Put here for, I mean. That's what I am feeling and seeing today. It's okay to grieve for the people you love that didn't really love you back, but it's a wonderful thing to recognize the people you ARE here for, and to be brave and vulnerable enough to receive their love. I think I have wasted years of my life trying to please others, afraid of the rejection I would feel if they saw my true self, my struggles, my hurts. Actually, I have experienced a lot of that rejection. So it's not just theoretical. But I am also at a place now that I can even see the benefit of those rejections, and the way they shaped me to be a more compassionate person than I would otherwise have been. I have come to the place that I wouldn't undo my wounds, because the scars are becoming my greatest places of healing. It's become the part of my journey where God entered in, and did His greatest works in my heart. I found out that I was ENOUGH, because HE IS.<br />
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My marriage is at a good place. And that has been after several really hard, really painful years. We still argue sometimes, of course, but there is something very powerful in knowing there is truth in our relationship between us, and in being accepted and loved as you are by another person. There is a mutual respect there that wasn't there years ago, in our immaturity and youth. I feel secure in our relationship in a way I didn't before. I see the hurts differently. I can recognize the filters I have used in how I see my husband, and sometimes, I discard those filters, if they are faulty.<br />
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I have friends I LOVE. And I believe they love me too. And I am working on being better not just as giving what I think others need from me, but in RECEIVING from others, and allowing my true self to show. I know this means that some people won't receive me, but I remind myself that's okay, that I'm not here for everybody, and I want to be KNOWN by others. I don't want a facade of knowing. I want the messy, beautiful reality of truth and love all mingled together. I am learning more and more that authentic friendships are worth the risk.<br />
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My daughter is getting married. And the young man she is marrying- well they just both make me so happy because of the people they are, and the beauty inside them put there by God. I see two joyful, imperfect but beautiful young people so well suited for each other, and I see the love they have for Christ first, and then each other, and I have hope. I see God bringing them on a journey together with Him leading and guiding them, and I wish that every marriage could have such a beginning. I have no idea what challenges they will face in the future, but I have hope for the road ahead. I know the God who has brought me and Joe through so many trials will walk faithfully with them. So I suppose, ultimately, my hope is in God. My prayer is that His love --the abiding, eternal love of Christ---will be the rooting and grounding that establishes their love for each other, and that He will use their marriage to teach them what love is, and also to give and receive that love with kindness, respect, honesty, gentleness and authenticity.<br />
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Anyway, this is where I am today. It felt like such a good place, I just wanted to share my joy today. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-36202262615214343842018-01-16T02:20:00.001-05:002018-04-10T22:54:45.085-04:00Some thoughts on the free press and truth telling<span data-offset-key="2729s-0-0"><span data-text="true">I was reading this article tonight ( https://www.biography.com/news/king-louis-xvi-and-marie-antoinette-execution-anniversary) about the real Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI, because I was curious if a movie about them was actually historically accurate. From what I read, the movie actually seems to be. However, as I read the article about what Marie Antoinette and Lousi XVI were actually like, what was really disturbing to read were all the lies the press of that time told about Marie, and how easily the public in France just believed it. I am not saying Marie Antoinette was an angel by any means, but nor was she a devil. All of this made me think of President Trump. Honestly, I don't agree with the way the man often communicates nor do I hold him up as a paragon of Christian virtues. He is a man with both virtues and vices, just like Obama was. What really bothers me is how willing people- and most especially the press-- seem to be to not just to report the true facts of what happened, but to exaggerate facts to suit political agendas. Marie Antoinette never said "Let them eat cake" but unhappy people were swept into a fervor of emotion, accepted it as fact that she did say that, and used it as a contention point against the aristocracy. What resulted from all that fervor was the French Revolution, both bloody and cruel. Reading this article and finding disturbing similarities in America's political climate gave me pause. I have come to a place that I would wish that all of us, whether Republic, Democrat, or Independent, will strive not to just post angry rants, and not to use anger as an excuse to stretch the truth into lies which suit our own agendas. </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-1006158590358183242017-12-28T15:47:00.001-05:002017-12-28T15:50:05.490-05:00The end of 2017, Contemplation of 2018WARNING: This is a rambly post. I have had many thoughts running through my head. I am writing them down so that I might consider them better, and be able to look back at them in the future.<br />
<br />
Well, it's been a difficult year in many way. Joe's mom passed away earlier in the year from brain cancer, and that has been a very difficult loss. She was such an anchor and gift to the family, and not having her with us has left us feeling adrift, with a great ache and void in our hearts. The dark cloud of that loss has loomed in our lives this past year, so much of 2017, even the good, has been saturated with a sense of that loss. I have had bouts of sadness and grief this Christmas season, when I feel the loss most keenly for her and for my father, who also passed away 8 or 9 years ago of Leukemia. I have also felt anxiety thinking about goals I have not met for myself. I am ending this year weighing the same amount as when I started my health journey two years ago, and that is frustrating. I have given my best efforts this year at fitness, and still am not really where I want to be. And in that regard, Facebook is both a blessing and a curse. It's really nice to see others meeting their goals, and to receive prayer and encouragement when you are down, and even get help from people who know more than you and are further along on the journey. However, I find it difficult not to compare myself to others on health journeys of their own, and not feel inadequate or even ridiculous. I have not progressed very much with writing or art, and every year with homeschooling brings its challenges that often cause me to feel out of my depth.. I am not where I want to be in really any area of my life, and currently I feel overwhelmed contemplating where I should actually put my focus for 2018. Should I focus on healthy eating and exercise? Should I not worry about that so much and just focus on improving in art? Should I not do that and focus instead on actually writing a book of some kind? And how do I do any of those things and still do a good job homeschooling and parenting my kids? What about my marriage? How much time and energy does it require? What are the boundaries I should set for myself and with Joe to be both loving and healthy? And over and above all of that there is my relationship with the Lord. I confess that I am over 40, a Christian, and I am not sure if I read the entire Bible or not. I start plans to go through it all, but usually stall about halfway through and end up not finishing.<br />
On the other hand, maybe I have learned somethings this year. No, I am not where I want to be. But I believe I am better off than if I had not tried. I am learning that "Progress is a process, not a destination." (Someone else shared that on fb in the Run Peaker, Run! group, but now I don't remember who, or I would credit them.) That was a timely encouragement I needed. So maybe the scale has fluctuated, but I have had more energy this past year and I did do some races and just getting out there is something.<br />
I am learning it's not being a "poser" to allow someone else to know your identity as something you love but aren't good at yet. For me to say "I am a runner" or "I am a writer" or "I am an artist" or even "I am a Charlotte Mason homeschooler" when I struggle and feel so small and insignificant in my abilities takes courage. What it really means is not that I have arrived at some destination, but I have atleast opened the door and begun the journey. For some people, this is probably no issue at all. But for me, it has been. I felt like acknowledging that I am in these groups or even want to be opens me to a new level of scrutiny by others, and breaking free from the fear of what others think of me has been a challenge. I am a woman who has struggled with so many insecurities, which makes the fear of rejection or humiliation feel so powerful sometimes. It's easy to say and know that I shouldn't care so much what other people think, but it's another thing entirely to act on that belief and follow through with actions, especially when you feel as if you are standing alone.<br />
So about 2018. What do I actually want for 2018? Well here's what I want, just thinking as I type:<br />
<br />
1. I want to read my Bible all the way through. For real I want to be still and hear God's voice, and obey Him. I want the advice and wisdom I give others to be more than just my "good ideas"; I want to be so in tune with the Holy Spirit that His voice speaks through mine to other people, so that the words I speak are truly life giving. <br />
2. I want to look in the mirror and finally be happy with what I see. I want to learn to love the best of the person God made me to be, and yield to God to change the parts that need to change.<br />
3. I want to not just say I am a runner. I want to believe it and feel it. Same for being an artist and writer. And even a teacher. People tell me I do a good job at that, but often I doubt it's true. I don't want to become arrogant, but I want to see all of who I am accurately, and be able to know myself well, both good and bad. So often I have seen the bad in myself, and I don't deny that side of myself. But I would like for 2018 to be a year where I can also see and accept the good, in myself first, but also in others. <br />
4. I do want to move forward in the areas of growing as a mom, teacher, artist, writer, and runner. I want to learn new things and be farther along by the end of the year. I am still not sure how to judge that, but it's a desire I have to grow and have marked changes that affirm that growth. I know that one goal I have is that I would like to be able to run an entire 5K and to interval run/walk a 10K this next year. <br />
5. I want to be joyful and peaceful with my children at home. I want my children to remember me as a joyful, loving, fun momma who loved them well, not a sad, depressed mama who was always afraid and let fear control her.<br />
6. I want to read lots of good books, books that are classic books, books on self care and self improvement, books that speak to my heart. <br />
7. I want to invest time and energy in relationships with other women to build friendships.<br />
8. I want to invest time and energy in relationship with my husband to build a better relationship.<br />
9. I want to invest time and energy in relationship with my children to disciple them and to communicate that I value and love them.<br />
10. I want to help my daughter plan a wedding, and it to be the most beautiful and wonderful day for her and Jacob, and to know that the memories of that day will always be special and sacred for them.<br />
11. I want to be more present in my day to day life. I want to put my phone away, and be engaged in what's happening around me. When I am not, I want it to be because I have been intentional in my choice of what I am doing, and have peace that it's the right thing for that moment because it was made by choice and not by accident.<br />
12. I want to continue to cut sugar from my diet and minimize junk food.<br />
13. I want to build back up our emergency fund, and get to a place where we are consistently spending less than we make. <br />
14. Practically speaking, we need to get our roof repaired this year.<br />
15. I want to take a family vacation.<br />
17. I want to own my feelings and behaviors as my own, and allow other people to have their feelings and behaviors, without taking responsibility for how others feel. I want to show empathy and respect for myself and others, but also accept the "separateness" of other people. I want to own my own stuff, and apologize for my mistakes and wrongs when appropriate, but I want to not take on the burden of other people's happiness as being my responsibility. I want to make decisions based on what's best and right and true and is what God has ordained for my family, not based on whether someone else approves or not. The only approval I should seek is that of Christ. <br />
18. I want to get away privately at least once this next year with my husband.<br />
19. I want my home to be a peaceful place. I want to own our stuff and not be owned by it. To that end, I will endeavor to declutter our home in a way that is not traumatic for my family. I want to show my children respect in my parenting, but model to them that people and relationships matter more than things. I want to teach them to be good stewards of all that we have and own. I want them to learn to take good care of what we have, but also to recognize when to let things go that are no longer blessing us or even just could bless someone else. I want to be thoughtful in how I even bring more things into our home, so that decluttering becomes less necessary. <br />
20. I want to be a support to my older kids, as they grow beyond us and the structure of our family.. I want to build friendship with them and be the kind of adult who respects them as adults but also challenges them in healthy and loving ways. I want to be a friend with them who listens more and offers advice less.<br />
21. I want to be active and vibrant in my local church family. I want to support missions work both financially and with prayer. I want to be obedient and faithful to God's call to edify believers around me and to be salt and light to hurting people around me. I want to do this with prayer, but also with my talents, time, and resources.<br />
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Maybe much of this just sounds like pretty words. My hope is that it's so much more than that. It's the truth of what I desire, and honestly, one reason I get so discouraged this time of year because I see such little growth some years, even with doing my very best. But I am reminding myself today that I am on a journey, and I am moving forward, though slowly. I am giving grace to myself and others. Failure is not the end. I can fail, and keep trying and going, and hopefully getting better. If you are reading this, I would appreciate prayer that God gives me greater wisdom, discernment, and direction in 2018, and that I am quick to be a doer of that wisdom, that it would bless me and others. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-88917857418897248002017-06-22T00:30:00.001-04:002017-06-22T00:33:02.072-04:00I have been thinking about death lately. Happy thoughts, right? I mean, I can't imagine why my blog is not that popular, with all the awesome topics I choose to write about. Seriously, though, that's okay with me. I don't really do this for most people. I am thankful for being a nameless face to most people. Mainly, when I do write, I write for my own kids someday.<br />
Anyway, I have been contemplating death. I suppose the reason is the recent health issues I have been having. Nothing like health problems to bring you face to face with your own mortality, and how out of control you actually are. I am doing my best with diet and exercise, to give God as much help as I can give him, for me to be around for a long time for the people I love. But the truth is, all of us will die. Every last one of us, unless the Lord Jesus comes back and we see him face to face before we die. But for most of us, that won't be the case. I can't say I want to die, although sometimes, I admit, it's difficult in trials to continue having the courage each day to choose to actually live, to keep going and pressing on in spite of pain or sorrow. I can say there is heaven, and the thought of seeing my loved ones and friends there, that I look forward to seeing. The process of death, itself, is not so appealing. And I still feel like I have so much I need to do. But it's not my part to determine when I will die. It's my part to obey the Lord Jesus, and to try to live my life in glory to Him, day by day.<br />
I have many things I still want to experience in this temporal life. If I had my way, I would be here to see all of my children, my grandchildren, and even my great grandchildren, serving the Lord. I want to be faithful to my husband, and see us celebrate many years together. The first many years of our marriage have been hard, honestly, as we are both so stubborn sometimes, and it seems that we are only finally now learning what it truly means to walk together in life, though we are both messy sinners. I want to travel and be involved in missions work, and still do ministry in a church with young people.<br />
I want to write a novel. I don't know why that's so hard for me, but it is. I have ideas in my brain, but disciplining myself to write and bring the ideas together is difficult.<br />
I want to paint something beautiful. I know I have painted things, but I don't see them as great things. And I have so much to learn still, and so much growing to do in art.<br />
I want to get to a place with my children that they will be able to say, when they are grown, that though I was imperfect, I loved them well. That I taught them through my life and actions what humility, and service to others, and compassion, and deep, abiding joy look like. I want to celebrate when I come to the place that my children are grown that we can sit as friends. I love my children, by the way. I don't ever think I can say that enough. <br />
I want to be a faithful friend to my friends. I want to be a prayer warrior and someone who will rejoice with them in their joys, and sit in the dust and love them in their sorrows. <br />
Today was a tough day. My migraines were bad, and the anxiety I battle was at an all time high. My children had an activity tonight, that I wasn't able to go to, because I felt so poorly. My dear husband had to take off work again today to run our home. I struggled with feelings of worthlessness and failure, because my health prevented me from being the mom I desperately wanted to be, for my kiddos. I was not in control. I had to depend on others, which I don't like at all. I felt weak, and helpless, and so unnecessary. It was a serious hit to my pride, honestly, that the universe went on without me, and a great comfort as well. I suppose I am flawed and selfish like that. I want to be needed, but not indispensable.<br />
I know all the things I WANT. But I cannot say what God's plans for my life will be, sitting in this moment. I can pray for many fruitful years, and commit myself to the Lord, who is wise and good, but I cannot make him grant my request. I believe He is sovereign over all, though how that plays out in smaller ways, I am unsure. I don't think God is the one who does evil, but He does allow it, and He takes horrible situations and redeems them. I don't think I can grasp all of that even yet.<br />
Like I said, I want to be around for many years. That is what I hope and pray for, and pray even more ardently so for my family, and my friends. But every moment is a sacred gift. I recognize, even in this moment, how many of those sacred moments I have squandered. And I don't want that. I want to live every moment in light of eternity, in light of the Cross of Christ.<br />
I want the moments that I have to be used and spent in the worship of my King, and in discipleship to others. I want my life to be salt and light, pointing others to the truth of God's love for them, and the peace found in serving Jesus. I never want people to walk away from me saying how great a person I was, but rather, how great a God I have served. That they will see Him in me. And I want this most not for strangers to see, but for my kids, my husband, and my closest friends to see.<br />
It's difficult to look at your life and see all the imperfections and flaws, the broken places. It's tough to look at your life and see so many ways you have not measured up as a disciple. To see where you DIDN'T love someone well, maybe an unkind word you spoke, or a time you sat idly by while someone else perpetrated hurts upon another. I can see places like that in my life, and all I can do is pray for God to be bigger than my mistakes and inadequacies. For Him to take the broken places, and make something beautiful.<br />
I look at other people's lives, and sometimes it seems I can see a pattern of a story God is writing in their life, which is a lovely thing. Sometimes it's a story of redemption, or healing, or what it means for God to be a father. Sometimes it is how God is shining in someone else's life through their talents or giftings, like the gift of writing or painting or science or math. So many lovely, beautiful stories. I have loved them all. But when I look at my own life, it seems so plain. It's difficult for me not to compare, and feel frustrated or like I have failed. I have not "done" that much. I am a mediocre artist. I write poetry. I love my kids. I teach them. I have tried to be faithful in the smaller opportunities that have come my way, in teaching co op classes or praying for friends, or even just trying to learn to be a better listener. But it's mundane stuff really. And I often worry how I would handle true trials of faith, like standing for Christ in a time of persecution. My hope is that I will not have to find out, but my prayer is that no matter what, I would stand firm in Christ.<br />
These were the rambling thoughts I was having tonight. I felt like I needed to get them out of my head.<br />
I will close with Psalm 6, a cry of my heart tonight: <br />
<br />
<span class="chapter-1"><span class="text Ps-6-1"><span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, rebuke me not in your anger,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-1">nor discipline me in your wrath.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-6-2" id="en-ESV-13988"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>Be gracious to me, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, for I am languishing;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-2">heal me, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, for my bones are troubled.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-6-3" id="en-ESV-13989"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>My soul also is greatly troubled.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-3">But you, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>—how long?</span></span> <br />
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-6-4" id="en-ESV-13990"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>Turn, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, deliver my life;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-4">save me for the sake of your steadfast love.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-6-5" id="en-ESV-13991"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>For in death there is no remembrance of you;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-5">in Sheol who will give you praise?</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-6-6" id="en-ESV-13992"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>I am weary with my moaning;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-6">every night I flood my bed with tears;</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-6">I drench my couch with my weeping.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-6-7" id="en-ESV-13993"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>My eye wastes away because of grief;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-7">it grows weak because of all my foes.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-6-8" id="en-ESV-13994"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>Depart from me, all you workers of evil,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-8">for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has heard the sound of my weeping.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-6-9" id="en-ESV-13995"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has heard my plea;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-9">the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> accepts my prayer.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-6-10" id="en-ESV-13996"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup>All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-6-10">they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.</span></span></div>
</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-13133702167094714592016-08-27T00:51:00.002-04:002016-08-27T00:55:58.823-04:00So I may not look cool following Jesus.....<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true">When I was younger, I admit, I was always the kid who wanted desperately to be liked and to be popular. It often seemed that the harder I tried to be liked, the less interested people were in knowing me or accepting me.</span></span><span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true"><span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true"> I say that
not to bash those people; it's a hard truth to accept, but I have come
to understand that those people were never obligated to know me or be my
friend. That doesn't make rejection feel good, but it is atleast a
recognition of the boundary lines in relationships. And </span></span>I suppose desperation is not an attractive cologne to wear either, so that probably did not help my situation. I remember being the kid in high school who could mostly get along well with everyone, but there was no single group I fit into. I always felt like an outsider to the other cliques in high school, in many ways. Sure I had friends, but the friends around me never really meshed into a group of any kind. </span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true">In all the following years, sometimes it seems like not much has changed. I still fall prey to comparison, the thief of joy. And this past week, I had a revelation: I believe I finally realized that as much as I would like it to be the case, I will never be someone who makes following Jesus look cool. In my heart, I have wanted that. I have yearned for it desperately. For most of my life, I have yearned to find my "tribe", so to speak---the place and people where I would fit in and my idiosyncracies would make sense. I wanted to be someone who both followed Jesus passionately and was popular with people too. It didn't have to be fitting in with a "cool crowd" by the world's standards; just finding a group where I made sense would have been sufficient. And coming to accept the truth that I will never be that kind of person has been a grieving process for me. Maybe that sounds dumb, and I am in some ways embarrassed to admit my shallowness and pride, but it is what it is. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true"> I'm not saying that some people don't like me generally, or even individually; but the truth is, I am not cool or hip. I am awkward and nerdy and sometimes, I am very lonely. In group situations, I usually spaz out a little. I am not the one people gravitate to in a group, either. I have spent most of my life battling anxiety and depression, and wasted way too much time here on earth in the fruitless comparison of my life with the lives of others, or trying too hard. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true">The last couple years have been difficult for me, and for our family. After leaving our last church, we have struggled to find our place. And for a Christian who dearly loves Christ's body, there is no worse feeling than being "church homeless." And that is what I have felt very acutely. Adrift. Trying to figure out where I fit in the body of Christ, and what I have to both give and receive to Christ's body. Wanting desperately to find the answer, but still at a loss. Wanting to be more than just a ministry opportunity; wanting friendship, and a tribe to call my own. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true">Joe and I have prayed alot. We are still seeking what God wants for us with regards to where we are supposed to be planted in Christ's local church. And I struggle not to be jealous at times when I see other women refer to their "tribe"; not because I wish for them not to have one, but because, while I have good friends (and I love them dearly and am thankful for them), I lack that intangible something called community. I have several good friends; I am involved in groups and genuinely like people in those groups; but connection on a group level has not happened as of yet. And even though I am over forty years old, I still feel like I have not found where I "fit in". Or what exactly it is I offer the body of Christ in service and spiritual gifts, that is needful and something I actually can do well. Mostly I have plodded along, trying to be faithful with opportunities that come my way, but the fruit I have seen has sometimes been small. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true">While I will continue to seek spiritual and scriptural wisdom regarding what true Biblical connection looks like, I have begun to think that maybe community level intimacy is not essential for following Christ. It may be that community wide intimacy is not even possible, here on earth, atleast. However, intimacy with Christ IS essential. While God commands that his people be a part of a local body of believers, and that we love one another, there is no guarantee in scripture that I will feel close to those people, or find one group and be there the rest of my life. I have also realized that I am not called to be "cool". God is not impressed or unimpressed by how good I look when I serve Him, just THAT I serve him and live in relationship with Him. And that I am obedient. Jesus must be my first love. And if I live in a place of abiding in his love, then rejection from people or the world won't hold the power over me that it has held in the past. Actually, I recognize trying to be "cool" is the opposite of what Christ promised his followers. If the world rejected Him, why would I assume it would be different for me? If I am grounded in His love alone, I will be free to truly love people, even if or when they reject me personally. I will be discerning enough to keep on the path Christ has for me individually, even when it looks scary and different from others around me. This has been a hard lesson for a recovering people pleaser like myself to learn. But I am doing my best to be what I tell my kids to be: teachable and humble. </span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="spni-0-0"><span data-text="true">I would appreciate prayer for wisdom on this, and that God would reveal to me what my purpose is here, and how I am called to best live out the Great Commission. It's my heart's greatest desire, not that I would be cool, but that I would be found faithful, whether I am ever "cool" or not. </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-4133055609993172322015-10-04T19:02:00.001-04:002019-01-25T08:36:10.806-05:00A poem I wrote today<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">A poem I wrote today: </span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">As
poetic as my soul may be,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I
fear I shall never best a tree.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">For
strong and silent in the wood,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">From
age to age the tree has stood. </span></span>
</div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">The
rains may come, the sleet may dither,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">But
still, in forbearance, your branches ne'er wither. </span></span>
</div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Men
may war, and hearts may churn,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">but
ever deep, your roots, they turn.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Deep
calls to deep, as you onward go,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">though
all around you, as a show, </span></span>
</div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">the
sands of time and men, so frail,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">boast
in their fleeting, with much travail.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I
see the tree, and plainly shod,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">the
footprint of Creator God.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Much
love and care He grants to thee,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">O
lovely, swaying forest tree.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">And
if He cares so much for thee,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">How
much more must He care for me! </span></span>
</div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Humbly,
I kneel, beneath your leaves,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">and
pray that I should be as thee,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Meek,
yet mighty,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Rooted
in love,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">And
of the turbulence round me, unmoved.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">When
I am gone, let it be of me,</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">That
I was poetic like a tree. </span><br />
</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-65985569961465591942015-08-05T13:10:00.002-04:002015-08-05T13:15:46.104-04:00Schedule hurdles and other funWell, we are trying to get the homeschool year off to a good start this year, with a schedule and a routine. I had a beautiful schedule of when I work with each child figured out, as well as plans to begin getting up to walk/run and spend time with the Lord, as well as writing regularly. So far this week, though, I have been battling migraines every night, as well as pain in the right side of my tummy, and then last night and today, Rebekah and Naomi have been throwing up. And now Jon is complaining his tummy hurts as well. Both Monday and Tuesday, however, with the exception of me working out, we were still able to stay pretty close to our school schedule. The good thing was this week we do not have co op or anything else but dance starting up. So we have had alot of wiggle room in the schedule. It's hard, though, not to feel seriously discouraged when you are attempting to make positive changes, and it feels like you must battle illness in addition to regular self control issues to make change. <br />
A mystery person (I am not sure who, but I believe it was one of my eldest daughter's friends, who are all such incredibly awesome young ladies) sent me a postcard Tuesday in the mail with a cool picture of Superman on the front (my favorite superhero)and scriptures handwritten on the other side. One of those scriptures was this:<br />
<b><i>My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. </i>-2 Corinthians 12:9-10</b><br />
<br />
I think it is so wonderful how God works out the details of our lives, and uses other believers as instruments of encouragement toward us. This person had no idea what my week would be this week, and in obedience to Christ, sent me this postcard. But God knew, and He planned in advance for me to receive this at the right moment to remind me that yes, I am weak, yes, I will make mistakes. I do NOT have it all together, as much as I would like to. But God is most glorified when I acknowledge my weaknesses. I feel pretty weak today. When I have been battling headaches, I felt frustrated. When the kids started complaining of tummy pain, I felt even more discouraged. But when I remembered this verse, I felt strengthened. And in the midst of these challenges, I see God's hand at work. My co op class is coming together, as I was able to get more presenters lined up to present to my class. I have had two productive school days, despite my tummy pain. And thanks to migraine meds, so far I have not been incapacitated by a migraine, just not sleeping as well. <br />
<br />
Anyway, this is where I am this week. I am still plodding along, and every day is a new day. I try to remind myself that even though we have not met every goal, we are still making progress. And that is still good.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-16095608874097239002015-06-18T17:52:00.001-04:002015-06-18T17:54:28.663-04:00The ThiefOn Tuesday night I went with a friend, and our eldest daughters, to see Jurassic World, in 3D. I had to say it was a highly enjoyable film. Years, ago I enjoyed Jurassic Park, so I was looking forward to this film as well. Christ Pratt did a great job, and the whole thing was pretty cool. One of the messages woven into the film which really spoke to me was the message of how we, as a culture, have lost our sense of wonder in the miraculous that is around us every day. It seems ludicrous to imagine that we could live in a world, where someone can be standing in front of a live dinosaur, and be checking their phone, but that is not too far from the reality in which we live. Well, minus the fact there are no dinosaurs around. But the point remains. I recently saw a photo of a man on a boat, with a humpback whale directly beneath him. And he was checking his phone.Another photo I saw was of students all on their phones, in front of great art. I realize, of course, that these pictures represent mere moments in time. It is really unfair to judge someone's motives from a single moment, or to assume the worst with little true evidence. Perhaps the man was taking a picture of the whale; maybe the students were doing research. Regardless of the actual motivation of the people in the photos, for me, those photos are metaphorical for how I feel sometimes. Because I am surrounded daily by the miraculous in what appears to be mundane, and yet at times I struggle to find joy. At that moment, then the most miraculous and wonderful BECOMES mundane to me. <br />
I see how often my world is filled with busyness, and yet I struggle to find the meaning in it all. In a world of cell phones, Facebook, email, and Instagram, I find myself missing the days of land lines and handwritten notes. Amidst all the activities our children participate in, I struggle at moments to find the purpose of the busyness. With all of the advances and innovations and technologies, it is easy to feel more disconnected than ever. I don't mean to imply that all the busyness is purposeless or bad, but there is a menace I battle within my own heart, that has the capacity to suck the joy out of living at times. Theodore Roosevelt said it best when he said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." And I struggle against the vanity and emptiness of that thief. Wherever I look, I see the temptation at my door. Because it's really not at my door, but within myself. I have this need to make a mark, to live a life of meaning, and to be TRULY KNOWN by others, or at the least, by someone who cares. When I submit my desires to the One who made me, whose ways and plans are higher than my own, I find my life in giving it away. In Knowing HIM more, I come to see how He knows me better than I know myself, and loves me. And in my submission to His ways and His will, I find the acceptance and meaning my heart craves. But this desire to be known can become twisted when I try to use the choices of others around me, or even their acceptance or rejection of me, as my reference point for whether my life is meaningful. And with the internet,along with the fast pace of the world we see around us, the temptation for a heart to compare is great. It is easy sometimes to forget, and to become lost in the sea of the many voices around me. It is then that I feel the temptation to despair the most, and the most disconnected. It is in that moment I forget the wonder and the miracle of each breath I take, whooshing in and out, the joy of my children's laughter, of my husband's smile. I have no time, when I am comparing my life, to sit with a friend for coffee, or relish the joy of sitting down to play a game of candyland with my kids, just because. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-947985082327778312015-04-24T00:28:00.002-04:002015-04-24T00:28:51.993-04:00Starting FB sabbaticalWell, I started my sabbatical from facebook today, and the first thought I had was that I should post a status about my sabbatical. Yes, I know. Pathetic. lol Anyway, I am hoping I will be more productive and focused without the distraction. Today is April 23. I plan to revisit the notion whether I will return to Facebook in September. We shall see how it goes. I am nervous about the potential for being out of the "loop" on events that are coming up. But there is alot about facebook I won't miss. And lately it just seems to be more of a headache, that adds to my distraction and takes away from my ability to minister to all the people around me to which God as called me. As for the information superhighway, I rather prefer hanging out in my dark, lonely corner of the internet. That's one reason my blog is fairly lackluster, to be quite honest. I like to look back over my entries from time to time, but I am just not that concerned with appealing to the masses. Anyway, I wanted to post something as a marker, just so that I will be able to find out how long it's been, in case I forget.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-76847405066437902652015-03-27T12:29:00.000-04:002015-03-27T12:31:13.680-04:00My Personal Thoughts from the Book of Job<b><i><span class="text Job-23-8" id="en-NKJV-13428">Look, I go forward, but He is not there,</span><br /><span class="text Job-23-8">And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;</span><span class="text Job-23-9" id="en-NKJV-13429"></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-23-9" id="en-NKJV-13429">When He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him;</span><br /><span class="text Job-23-9">When He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him.</span><span class="text Job-23-10" id="en-NKJV-13430"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-23-10" id="en-NKJV-13430"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>But He knows the way that I take;</span><br /><span class="text Job-23-10">When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.</span><span class="text Job-23-11" id="en-NKJV-13431"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-23-11" id="en-NKJV-13431"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>My foot has held fast to His steps;</span><br /><span class="text Job-23-11">I have kept His way and not turned aside.</span><span class="text Job-23-12" id="en-NKJV-13432"></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-23-12" id="en-NKJV-13432">I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;</span><br /><span class="text Job-23-12">I have treasured the words of His mouth</span></i></b><span class="text Job-23-12"><i><b>More than my necessary food. -Job 23:8-12</b></i> (Job speaking)</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Job-23-12"><i><b> </b></i>I have ended up in the book of Job this morning, for my quiet time. The book of Job has always been a book I have wrestled to understand, and for years it has made me uncomfortable, to be honest. I believe that God is good, and that His ways and His plans are good. But within the book of Job, we see God give Satan permission to take away everything (sparing only his life) from one of his most faithful servants. When I have read the book of Job in the past, I have read it attempting to glean from it what the point of suffering was. But I read it this morning, trying to figure out what God wants me to learn about HIM from this book. </span><br />
<span class="text Job-23-12">In my reading through the entire Bible in an orderly fashion, which I am still working through, I have read through Job in the Old Testament and 2 Thessalonians in the New Testament. What I am discovering anew is that God's ways are NOT man's ways. God seems to delight in taking the worst possible circumstances and turning them to something He uses to advance His plans and purposes. That is the "foolishness" of the Cross. God sent His son into the world. He fulfilled the prophecies about him, but he didn't send Him to be born into a wealthy, powerful family. He sent him to a poor, teen girl. He was born in a barn, or something like it. The people who attended this occasion were the most common of people-shepherds, and a few wise men who weren't even Jewish. It was in God's plans that His son, the son of GOD, work as a carpenter, do full time ministry for only three years, and then DIE. The Jewish people were looking for a Messiah who would come sit on the throne of David here on earth and restore a political kingdom. But God had greater plans than overthrowing Rome, and he set about to do them through the means of an instrument of Roman torture---the Cross. Jesus suffered and died, that God would raise him from death, thus demonstrating God's power OVER death. And if God can conquer death, how much more can he conquer sin and bring holiness? </span><br />
<span class="text Job-23-12">Coming back to Job, I see this same pattern at work. Again, we have a righteous man, suffering for God. And from an earthly perspective it doesn't make sense. Job is a righteous man, and God allows the devil to attack him on every front. Job is in agony, in sack cloth and ashes. We can see from the passage above the depths of Job's agony; God feels far away from him in his pain. He feels abandoned by God. It seems the only thing God leaves for him is a bitter wife, whose foolish advice to her husband is to "curse God and die." Ugh, Lord, help me not to be that woman. Then we have Job's friends who show up to grieve with Him. At first, they sit with him silently grieving, for days. I have to say that that might have been the best thing they did. Then Job's companions approach him individually and try to offer what appears to be godly wisdom. It's the kind of wisdom you get when someone knows ABOUT God, but they don't really KNOW him personally. They see someone suffering, and they want to make it stop. They want to solve a "problem" that they see. It all sounds great on the surface. These are my paraphrases, but it's stuff like, "Job, you need to repent. If you would repent, God wouldn't be judging you like this." Or "If you had more faith in God, he would deliver you from this stuff." Or my favorite: "Who do you think you are to ask God these hard questions? God doesn't answer to you! Quit questioning God!" The final friend to speak seems to be the best of the lot, esteeming God's holiness and reminding Job why he is unqualified to question God's plans. There are varying levels of truth to all of these statements, depending on actual circumstances. And the final guy seems to be the most true. The problem is, Job's friends spout these platitudes off with little to no actual knowledge of what God is doing in this particular situation. They speak FOR God, without having heard FROM God. </span><br />
<span class="text Job-23-12">Job recognizes he is imperfect, and even though he is a righteous man, even that righteousness is as filthy rags. He longs for a mediator to stand between him and God (Job was on the right track, I think, as this is pointing to God's plan for the messiah). We see this in Job 9: 32-35:</span><br />
<br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-32" id="en-NKJV-13084">For He is not a man, as I am,</span><br /><span class="text Job-9-32">That I may answer Him,</span><br /><span class="text Job-9-32">And that we should go to court together.</span><span class="text Job-9-33" id="en-NKJV-13085"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-33" id="en-NKJV-13085"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Nor is there any mediator between us,</span><br /><span class="text Job-9-33">Who may lay his hand on us both.</span><span class="text Job-9-34" id="en-NKJV-13086"></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-34" id="en-NKJV-13086">Let Him take His rod away from me,</span><br /><span class="text Job-9-34">And do not let dread of Him terrify me.</span><span class="text Job-9-35" id="en-NKJV-13087"></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-35" id="en-NKJV-13087">Then I would speak and not fear Him,</span><br /><span class="text Job-9-35">But it is not so with me.</span></i></b><br />
<br />
<span class="text Job-9-35">Job longs for God to answer him, which he is told is wrong to long for, by his friends. And yet, lo and behold, God DOES answer. And the thing is, when God shows up and speaks, people shut up. All of their reasonings, justifications, and arguments are exposed for the foolishness that they are. From all we read in Job of God, we can see God cares greatly for Job. So for him to answer him is a great honor. But laying out the facts for Job, hearing them from the Creator of life itself, humbles Job greatly. How could it not, when God says things like, </span><br />
<br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-35"><span class="text Job-38-4" id="en-NKJV-13798">Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?</span><br /><span class="text Job-38-4">Tell Me, if you have understanding.</span><span class="text Job-38-5" id="en-NKJV-13799"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-35"><span class="text Job-38-5" id="en-NKJV-13799"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Who determined its measurements?</span><br /><span class="text Job-38-5">Surely you know!</span><br /><span class="text Job-38-5">Or who stretched the line upon it?</span><br /><span class="text Job-38-6" id="en-NKJV-13800">To what were its foundations fastened?</span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-35"><span class="text Job-38-6" id="en-NKJV-13800"> </span><span class="text Job-38-6">Or who laid its cornerstone,</span><span class="text Job-38-7" id="en-NKJV-13801"> </span></span></i></b><br />
<span class="text Job-9-35"><b><i><span class="text Job-38-7" id="en-NKJV-13801">When the morning stars sang together,</span><br /><span class="text Job-38-7">And all the sons of God shouted for joy? (Job 38:4-7)</span></i></b></span><br />
<span class="text Job-9-35"><b><i><span class="text Job-38-7"> </span></i></b> </span><br />
<span class="text Job-9-35">And Job is quick to repent for the wrong attitudes he himself has, because once He is in God's presence, all the questions become irrelevant. When we finally taste and see that God is good, when we see Him as he is, then it is easy to trust what He is doing, even when it doesn't make sense. Eternity becomes the perspective, and not just our natural lives here on earth. Job finally sees, at the moment he is vindicated in front of his friends, that the only audience that matters for how he lives his life is NOT the naysayers, not the culture, not his closest friends. But the Audience of One. Job's response after hearing God speak is much shorter, and we see a humbled Job when he says,</span><br />
<br />
<b><i><span class="text Job-9-35"><span class="text Job-42-1">Then Job answered the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> and said:</span> </span></i></b><br />
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<b><i><span class="text Job-42-2" id="en-NKJV-13925">“I know that You can do everything,</span><br /><span class="text Job-42-2">And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.</span><span class="text Job-42-3" id="en-NKJV-13926"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’</span><br /><span class="text Job-42-3">Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,</span><br /><span class="text Job-42-3">Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.</span><span class="text Job-42-4" id="en-NKJV-13927"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i></b></div>
<div class="line">
<b><i><span class="text Job-42-4" id="en-NKJV-13927"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Listen, please, and let me speak;</span><br /><span class="text Job-42-4">You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’</span></i></b></div>
</div>
<b><i> </i></b><br />
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<b><i><span class="text Job-42-5" id="en-NKJV-13928"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,</span><br /><span class="text Job-42-5">But now my eye sees You.</span><span class="text Job-42-6" id="en-NKJV-13929"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i></b></div>
<div class="line">
<b><i><span class="text Job-42-6" id="en-NKJV-13929"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Therefore I abhor myself,</span><br /><span class="text Job-42-6">And repent in dust and ashes.”</span></i></b></div>
</div>
<span class="text Job-9-35"> </span><b><span class="text Job-9-35"></span><i><span class="text Job-9-35"> </span></i></b><br />
<span class="text Job-9-35">Job's response to God makes me long to know God more. The answers God gives Job for his suffering are not an explanation for the suffering. When Job gazes upon God, he no longer CARES about the suffering. Because knowing God is enough. Suffering is temporary; God is eternal. Job sees finally views himself with the context of a holy, righteous God, and he realigns his thinking of himself to a place of humility. What I find slightly humorous is how God handles Job's friends:</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Job-42-7" id="en-NKJV-13930"><sup class="versenum"> </sup><i><b>And so it was, after the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> had spoken these words to Job, that the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is aroused against you and your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has. </b></i></span><i><b><span class="text Job-42-8" id="en-NKJV-13931"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Now
therefore, take for yourselves seven bulls and seven rams, go to My
servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and My
servant Job shall pray for you. For I will accept him, lest I deal with
you according to your folly; because you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has.” -Job 42:7-8</span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span class="text Job-9-35"><br /></span></b></i>
<span class="text Job-9-35">The only one we hear talk after God speaks is the one who knows him---Job. Job's friends, who had so much to say BEFORE God showed up---are now silent. And God humbles them by telling them if they wish to approach HIM, they must ask JOB to pray for them. </span><br />
<span class="text Job-9-35"><br /></span>
<span class="text Job-9-35"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-71466966347927255492015-03-26T12:28:00.002-04:002015-03-26T12:32:26.564-04:00"He must increase...."<i><span class="text John-3-25" id="en-NKJV-26146">Then there arose a dispute between some of John’s disciples and the Jews about purification. </span><span class="text John-3-26" id="en-NKJV-26147"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>And
they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, He who was with you beyond
the Jordan, to whom you have testified—behold, He is baptizing, and all
are coming to Him!”</span></i> <br />
<i><span class="text John-3-27" id="en-NKJV-26148"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>John answered and said, “A man can receive nothing unless it has been given to him from heaven. </span><span class="text John-3-28" id="en-NKJV-26149"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ,’ but, ‘I have been sent before Him.’ </span> <span class="text John-3-29" id="en-NKJV-26150">He
who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom,
who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s
voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. </span><span class="text John-3-30" id="en-NKJV-26151"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>He must increase, but I must decrease.</span>..." -John 3:25-30</i><br />
<br />
"If you become a necessity to someone else's life, you are out of God's will. As a servant, your primary responsibility is to be a 'friend of the bridegroom.' (John 3:29).......Listen intently with your entire being until you hear the Bridegroom's voice in the life of another person. And never give any thought to the devastation, difficulties or sickness it will bring. Just rejoice with godly excitement that His voice has been heard. You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before He saves it (see Matthew 10:34)." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest<br />
<br />
This was God's word to me today, and it was a sobering, encouraging, difficult word. My firstborn child graduates in May. The graduation gown and cards are ordered, the date is set, and she has been accepted with a full scholarship to the university she wanted. For all but six months of her education, she has been at home learning under both my and her father's tutelage. We have watched her grow and change, from an opinioned, small little girl to a still diminuitive, still opinioned, but refined young lady of character. It has been a joyful journey, and I admit we are blessed that she has received wisdom and grew in it, and I can see her making far wiser choices than I made at such a young age. We have gazed with pride and admiration, as she has undertaken to own her faith for herself, and soon she will launch out as an adult, free to make her own decisions, both mistakes and victories. Free to fly or fall on her own. <br />
<br />
As a mom, it is hard. I remember how I held her in my arms after she was born, so tiny. And I remember the overwhelming love I felt for this little person, the amazement I felt at how she had instantaneously transformed me---not into an angelic being, to be sure--but that someone else's needs could have so instantaneously supplanted my own. That I became secondary. I remember the fierce determination and desire that took root in my heart to protect her and nurture her. To guide her safely through the pitfalls of life, and to help her avoid the hurts and pains which I had experienced. Such are the joys of motherhood. Truly, from the first moments I knew she was growing within me, I committed myself to sacrifice in such a way that my child, and later my other children, should benefit. I do it imperfectly, and often I falter on the way. It's not that I haven't had selfish moments. Like everyone else, I contend with my flesh. And my children have heard their mother utter "I'm sorry" more times than I can count. But overall, the overarching desire of my heart has been that my children should know Christ and make Him known, and that they would see Him most clearly through me. Whether I have succeeded in this daunting task remains to be seen, but that has been my prayer.<br />
At the same time, I admit I struggle with being a bit of a control freak in recovery. It is one of the areas of my life where I see the Lord most clearly at work in sanctification. I recognize God's providential hand in history, and that He is in control, causing all things to work for the good of those who love Him. But sometimes I struggle to let go and rest fully and completely in that trust. I struggle to remain silent and let Him do His work in other hearts, when I think I can see so clearly (ugh, such pride) what HE is doing, and how much FASTER and BETTER it would go if only I could TELL them what I see. I know how foolish that is when I say it out loud, but in the moment, it is so HARD to watch another falter when you feel that you could help them to avoid pain. The truth, however, is that there are seasons and times for ALL things. As it says in Ecclesiastes, <br />
<i> <span class="chapter-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-1"> </span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="chapter-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-1">"To everything there is a season,</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-1">A time for every purpose under heaven:</span> </i><br />
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-2" id="en-NKJV-17362"><sup> </sup>A time to be born,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-2">And a time to die;</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-2">A time to plant,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-2">And a time to pluck what is planted;</span></span><span class="text Eccl-3-3" id="en-NKJV-17363"></span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-3" id="en-NKJV-17363"><sup class="versenum"></sup>A time to kill,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-3">And a time to heal;</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-3">A time to break down,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-3">And a time to build up;</span></span><span class="text Eccl-3-4" id="en-NKJV-17364"></span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-4" id="en-NKJV-17364"><sup class="versenum"></sup>A time to weep,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-4">And a time to laugh;</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-4">A time to mourn,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-4">And a time to dance;</span></span><span class="text Eccl-3-5" id="en-NKJV-17365"> </span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-5" id="en-NKJV-17365">A time to cast away stones,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-5">And a time to gather stones;</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-5">A time to embrace,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-5">And a time to refrain from embracing;</span></span><span class="text Eccl-3-6" id="en-NKJV-17366"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-6" id="en-NKJV-17366"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>A time to gain,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-6">And a time to lose;</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-6">A time to keep,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-6">And a time to throw away;</span></span><span class="text Eccl-3-7" id="en-NKJV-17367"></span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-7" id="en-NKJV-17367"><sup class="versenum"></sup>A time to tear,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-7">And a time to sew;</span></span><br /><b><span class="text Eccl-3-7">A time to keep silence,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-7">And a time to speak;</span></span></b><span class="text Eccl-3-8" id="en-NKJV-17368"></span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="text Eccl-3-8" id="en-NKJV-17368"><sup class="versenum"></sup>A time to love,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-8">And a time to hate;</span></span><br /><span class="text Eccl-3-8">A time of war,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-8">And a time of peace." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)</span></span></i></div>
<div class="line">
<i><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-8"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-8">I can see more clearly, at this season of my life, that so much of life is more about discerning what "time" it is, and behaving accordingly. Too often I am silent when I should speak up, and speaking when I should remain silent. Too often I am holding on when I should be releasing, and releasing when I should be holding on. There is a rhythm to life, it seems, and a method to what can appear to be chaos. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-8">Soon, in my daughter's life, will be a time to step back. Actually, I can say it has already begun. It has been a gradual process. My role is changing. For a while, I have been like a coach in a game, intensely involved, giving commands and sometimes training her through drill practice to prepare her for what life will throw her way. But now, I must fade. I must decrease. Now is the time to step back and let prayer be my primary focus, to see the hand of God at work. I must let go and begin to become less of a coach and more like a devoted, faithful fan, cheering her on from the sidelines, grimacing at her challenges and cheering her in her triumphs. Still giving what wisdom I have, but only when and if she seeks it out. Allowing her to experience more fully the consequences--good and bad-- of her decisions and actions. I must trust in the hand of God to lead her and guide her, independently of myself. This new phase is going to be challenging for a recovering control freak like myself, but it gets easier the more I KNOW the God I serve. After all, theology is life. What I do often speaks more of what I believe than what I say. So I will consider this truth when I am tempted to hold on. I will pray not just for my daughter, but for myself. That when all is said and done, she will see GOD's hand at work in her life, and praise HIM. Not me. If at the end of life, everyone says what a great person I have been,I will judge that to be failure. Because I am not great. I am merely a servant of the ONE who is. THAT is what I hope my children see. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-8"> </span></span><i></i><span class="text John-3-31" id="en-NKJV-26152"></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-75169263010700628792015-03-14T23:18:00.001-04:002015-03-14T23:37:36.445-04:00Making life countI had a nightmare last night, and it was a strange one, so I thought I would share my thoughts about it. Last night, I dreamed that I was at a modern day slave auction where children of all ages were being sold into slavery, but I was there secretly with some organization which helped free slaves. The organization I was with had given me 10,000 dollars to try to outbid other buyers, in order to purchase the freedom of as many children as I possibly could. Well, the first child that went on the block was a sickly young boy, and the auctioneer commented on how pathetic he looked, and how worthless he probably was. So I immediately angered the auctioneer when I spoke up and said if he was so pathetic, maybe they should just give him away to me. For the rest of my dream, I attempted to bid on children to get them out of slavery, but time after time the auctioneer would gleefully ignore me or just preen at me when I was outbid. Finally, an infant went on the auction block, or so I thought (I saw an infant, but did not hear what was said.) In any case, I was DETERMINED I would win this time. So I bid and bid, and finally I won the auction. For a moment, I was ecstatic that finally, for all my effort, I would SAVE one life. But it turned out I had misunderstood the auctioneer, and bid a wastefully high amount on something that wasn't even a person. The auctioneer, and others around me, laughed at me for being so foolish. I can't even describe the depth of agony I felt at that moment. It seemed so real. I felt a complete and utter failure. At that point, I woke up because I broke down in tears and felt such agony that I started crying for real, and this was what ended my dream.<br />
<br />
Why do I care about something that didn't really happen? I know it was just a dream. But I think it was also my brain contemplating very great questions and dilemmas I face in real life, and acknowledging the deepest fears that I have. First of all, I view trafficking and slavery as one of the greatest evils of our day, so I am sure that represents the battles I wage over much sin and evil, both within myself and within the world at large. And then there is my fear that I will waste my life on some task or focus that is insignificant. I thought today about how poorly and desperately conceived a method of abolition it would be to attempt to buy people out of slavery individually, rather than fighting the entire system. But when fighting evil, if that is all you have at your disposal to fight with, you use what you have. So while the method was poor, it was still better than just standing by and watching without helping. But ultimately, I felt such grief because I had wasted money on something that turned out to be worthless, and still helped not a single, solitary soul.<br />
<br />
That is the fear I struggle against:being a failure in the things that matter, not just to me but to God. I want so desperately to make sure that I am a trustworthy steward of the things that the Lord has given to me, so that in the end of my life, when I see Him face to face, He will be able to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Sometimes the greatest battles of life are fought on what appears to be common grounds, not sacred ones, and we find out only later that perhaps they WERE sacred, and we hallowed or defiled them based on a single, solitary decision that seemed trivial at the time. Decisions we make sometimes thoughtlessly and carelessly, like what media with which we will entertain ourselves, or whether we will stop to help someone in need when it's inconvenient, or whether we stand silent when another is unjustly treated, or even whether we pour our energy into one pursuit or another without ever asking the Creator of the Universe what His will would be, rather than our own. <br />
<br />
Another fear I struggle with is one that ties in to the first fear, but is very specific, and that is the fear of not finding the place God made me to be fruitful for Him when I function there. I believe people have different talents and gifts, and when we determine what God has made us to do, and do it for His glory, only THEN will we experience the fullness of His purposes for us, and the joy we were meant to experience in relationship with Him. Perhaps this is silly, but sometimes I am afraid that I am spending too much time and effort on all these things I am not that good at, and never functioning in the the THING, whatever that is, that if I figured it out, would make me feel less like a fish trying to ride a bicycle and more like a fish in water. I don't know if this is right thinking, mind you. It's something I am still praying out with God, and seeking answers from Him about. But it's a struggle I have. I do believe that God is faithful, and I believe I will find the answers I seek as I seek him with my whole heart. And when I get in His presence and spend time in His word, all of my fears melt away. He is Love, and love always casts out fear. It is the truth of Him I know in His word that will always set me free. That much I know. <br />
<br />
I thought of that dream today, and it's funny how grieved I was over those children I couldn't free. Sometimes my heart does break for the way that mankind is constantly finding new and terrible ways to hurt each other with sin. But I have to believe that the small efforts I make, though they seem so insignificant, are meaningful and deeply significant. I place my hope not in my pitiful efforts, but in the ONE who sanctifies and blesses them. And ultimately, more than my feelings, I trust His word, the Bible. <br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-66671988025051548982015-03-07T01:15:00.000-05:002015-03-07T01:15:01.950-05:00Review of Taken 3WARNING: THERE are SPOILERS OF the movie TAKEN 3. So if you don't want to know what happens, quit reading now. <br />
<br />
<br />
Joe and I went on a date night tonight, and part of our date we decided to go watch Taken 3 at the Dollar Theater. Let me say right off the bat that I like Liam Neeson in most of his films, and enjoyed the original Taken movie a whole lot. I am not sure if I ever saw Taken 2, but we thought Taken 3 would be entertaining. Well, it was entertaining, but not in the way we expected. <br />
<br />
I will say that the actual acting in the movie was fine; Liam Neeson did a great job with a difficult source material, in my opinion. But good acting doesn't make up for a really bad story line. First off, they make Liam Neeson's character's (Bryan Mill's) exwife Lenore, someone I genuinely liked in the first movie, into a skanky woman who is wanting to cheat on her current husband with her exhusband. They try to paint Bryan Mills as a sympathetic character by having him basically kiss her and say he would wait to be with her after she gets out of her current relationship, so he's only KIND of honorable. And these were characters I sympathized with in the first movie. So from the beginning, it just felt a little yucky to me . I really felt they could have handled the characters so much differently, and it would have set a context I could be much more sympathetic with. They could have just kept them as friends, or she could have already been divorced again, or just had him wrongfully accused for murdering her without that particular back story, set up that way. <br />
<br />
But that wasn't the best part. I love a good action movie, and I even go prepared to have reality suspended and stretched quite a bit. However, I lose sympathy for the "good guy" when they are hurting normal bystanders in their methods of attacking bad guys, and it is totally avoidable. Especially, when they aren't even really defending themselves. I mean, I honestly can suspend reality if it's a large scale battle scene, like in Avengers, where all these aliens are attacking earth, and they have to fight them off. But in this case, Liam Neeson is wrongfully accused of murdering his ex wife and he goes on the lamb. He steals a cop car at one point, and causes the car to go driving the wrong way down the highway. In the process, he wrecks and hits a ton of cars, including a large truck, which makes the HUGE load on it go rolling off and crush about 3 or 4 cars in the process. Thus, he is pretty much causing damage to uninvolved bystanders left and right, maiming or killing people, for no other reason than he doesn't want to be arrested. <br />
<br />
In the process of running from the cops, he resists arrest, assaults officers, steals their guns, drives extremely wrecklessly, causing death and carnage to innocent people, kills a BUNCH of Russians which the cops KNOW about, blows up a part of building, etc. The best line of the entire movie is near the end of the movie, when the main cop, played by Forrest Whittaker, says they COULD arrest him for getting on the cop computers and stealing information about the case, but they won't. Joe and I were like, What the HECK? I mean, we just saw him break law after law, and THAT is the thing they focus on? Then there was a whole plot line where one of Bryan Mill's buddies gets shot while they are trying to attack the Russians. The last scene with that guy in it you hear the cops saying that he was still alive, and then....nothing. At the end of the movie, you never find out what happened to him. Is he dead or alive? It's like the character was just irrelevant. But he is played through the entire movie as one of Bryan Mill's closest friends.<br />
<br />
The other thing that was hard to suspend reality about this time was the fight scenes. And I give ALOT of leeway in action movies. I mean, I know Liam Neeson is tough, but he is not as young as he once was. And the entire movie he is fighting off 30 year old guys like nothing. But every fight scene, the camera was jerky, so it was hard to follow. I think they could have had him outsmarting them more, and still fighting them some, and it would have played better. <br />
<br />
Anyway, Joe and I still enjoyed our night out, and the movie had us laughing at the end, though I am pretty sure that was not the intent of the movie. I have to say I would not recommend this movie to a friend to see, unless one is looking for unintentional comedy. And those are my thoughts about this movie. :)<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-70004611628955111022015-01-02T15:05:00.000-05:002015-01-02T15:05:03.793-05:00My Bible verse for 2015This is the verse the Lord has given me for 2015:<br />
<br />
"So you, by the help of your God,<br />
return,<br />hold fast to love and justice,<br />
and wait continually for your God."<br />
-Hosea 12:6<br />
<br />
This is a verse I heard in a sermon recently, but the Lord spoke to my heart that it was also the verse He has for me for this year. I see in this verse the Lord reminding me that it is only BY HIS HELP that I can do anything that pleases Him. Pride is a deadly scourge, and I must be vigilant to root it out and give no place to it.<br />
I see the Lord calling me to hold fast to both love toward Him and others, and also justice. Not the justice of the world, which is sometimes actually injustice, but HIS justice. His truth must reign in my life. And there again at the end am I reminded that I must be in continual relationship with Him in order to know the plans the Lord has for me, and to walk in them. Apart from Him, I can do nothing. I am called in this Christian life to live in fellowship with Him. I am posting this here, because I hope to look back and see how God has used this word to encourage me through the coming year. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-16601614315740454172015-01-02T14:57:00.001-05:002015-01-02T15:15:41.084-05:00Thoughts from 2 Chronicles and looking back on 2014<i><b><span class="text 2Chr-1-6" id="en-NKJV-11201"> </span><span class="text 2Chr-1-6" id="en-NKJV-11201">And Solomon went up there to the bronze altar before the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, which was at the tabernacle of meeting, and offered a thousand burnt offerings on it.</span><span class="text 2Chr-1-7" id="en-NKJV-11202"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>On that night God appeared to Solomon, and said to him, “Ask! What shall I give you?”</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text 2Chr-1-8" id="en-NKJV-11203">And Solomon said to God: “You have shown great mercy to David my father, and have made me king in his place. </span><span class="text 2Chr-1-9" id="en-NKJV-11204"><sup> </sup>Now, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>
God, let Your promise to David my father be established, for You have
made me king over a people like the dust of the earth in multitude. </span><span class="text 2Chr-1-10" id="en-NKJV-11205"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Now
give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this
people; for who can judge this great people of Yours?”</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text 2Chr-1-11" id="en-NKJV-11206">Then
God said to Solomon: “Because this was in your heart, and you have not
asked riches or wealth or honor or the life of your enemies, nor have
you asked long life—but have asked wisdom and knowledge for yourself,
that you may judge My people over whom I have made you king— </span><span class="text 2Chr-1-12" id="en-NKJV-11207">wisdom and knowledge are granted to you; and I will give you riches and wealth and honor, such as none of the kings have had who were before you, nor shall any after you have the like.”</span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span class="text 2Chr-1-12" id="en-NKJV-11207">So Solomon came to Jerusalem from the high place that was at Gibeon, from before the tabernacle of meeting, and reigned over Israel. </span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span class="text 2Chr-1-12" id="en-NKJV-11207">-II Chronicles 1:6-13 </span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span class="text 2Chr-1-12" id="en-NKJV-11207"><br /></span></b></i>
<span class="text 2Chr-1-12" id="en-NKJV-11207">I was reading this today for my time in God's word, as it was the next scheduled reading I am on for my reading through the Bible. It seemed like a fitting text, though, for starting a new year. I read it, and thought how insightful Solomon was to ask for wisdom, and not any of the worldly things that most of us would immediately have wished for. And then I considered how even all of that great wisdom didn't stop him from making poor decisions in his own personal life, since we know he took many wives, and most of them didn't even worship the one true God. Then I contemplated what he could have asked for that would have been even better than wisdom, and I am really not sure what the answer would be. The best answers I could come up with was that God would always be with him, but then I considered that even if God is with you, if your heart is not turned to follow Him, it could mean only destruction or sadness. Then I decided that asking God for a heart that pleased Him and walked in His ways might be the best thing. This thought gave me a feeling of awe, because what has God granted to His people today through the work of the gospel, but new hearts? We see that it was prophesied in Ezekiel 36:26 that God would do this very thing for His people when He said,</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Ezek-36-26" id="en-NKJV-21386"><sup class="versenum"> </sup><i><b>I
will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take
the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. </b></i></span>
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In this sense, I realized how much better we have it than even King Solomon! Still, it's an amazing thing to contemplate being face to face with the God of all creation<b>, </b>and being granted one desire of our heart. </div>
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Looking back at 2014, I can see where I have met some of the goals I set for myself. Joe and I were able to attend the Biblical counseling conference. I made strides in reading through the Bible, as I have read through I Chronicles in the Old Testament, and Colossians in the New Testament. So rather than start over, I am continuing on with the Bible reading plan I was using, and hoping to finish sometime this next year. I have still not done so well with working out or getting up and going to bed at the same time. But I have become more cognizant of living with an awareness of God's divine agenda for each day, and being willing to change my plans in obedience to God's agenda for my day. I still struggle with anxiety and worry more than I would like, but I think I have improved some in those areas as well. I can also see vast improvements in Joseph's health this past year, which is a wonderful thing. And Joe and Kate were able to take a planned mission trip to Haiti. A less spiritual goal was to take a vacation, and God was gracious to allow us to do even that. </div>
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Another goal I had this year was to write more. While I have made some efforts on my novel, I have blogged less in 2014 than 2013. I did attend several of the writer's clubs meetings, and God has been gracious to allow me to meet other Christian writers, so I see His hand leading and guiding me in that </div>
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sphere of my life. I have also painted some this year, and learned a few things. I am not growing and learning nearly as much as I would like though. Ugh, I see so much room for improvement in so many areas. But I am trying to trust that God is at work, and praying He will help me to be more obedient. And doing my best to yield to the Holy Spirit as I recognize His voice. <br />
<br />
I am now goal setting for 2015, and looking forward to what God is going to do in the coming year. </div>
<i><b> </b></i><br />
<h3>
<i><span class="text 2Chr-1-13" id="en-NKJV-11208"></span></i><span class="text 2Chr-1-13"><br /></span><span class="text 2Chr-1-14" id="en-NKJV-11209"><sup class="versenum"></sup></span></h3>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-19420592722334616412014-12-06T23:48:00.003-05:002014-12-06T23:53:41.060-05:00Suffering well even in little things, is, well, sometimes hard.I am going to write about this today, because, well, it's been on my mind. I have been sick since Thursday night with a migraine and then what we think may be the flu (fever, coughing, congestion, and sinus headaches.) Now on the suffering scale, this is really not a big deal. It's nothing compared to an autoimmune disease, or the death of a close loved one. I know that. But it's still unpleasant. And its always at times like this that I struggle to figure out how faith looks in these situations. I know there are times in the Bible that people suffered, and it was always to bring about God's greater plans in the world. But the degree to which we resist said suffering is where I struggle. How do I bear up under suffering in a way that honors God? I do not see a passivity in suffering in the Bible. What I do see is a recognition of our dependence on God Let's look at this example in Exodus 17: 8-16:<br />
<br />
<b><i><span class="text Exod-17-8">Now Amalek came and fought with Israel in Rephidim. </span><span class="text Exod-17-9" id="en-NKJV-1993"><sup> </sup>And
Moses said to Joshua, “Choose us some men and go out, fight with
Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God
in my hand.” </span><span class="text Exod-17-10" id="en-NKJV-1994">So Joshua did as Moses said to him, and fought with Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. </span><span class="text Exod-17-11" id="en-NKJV-1995"><sup> </sup>And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. </span><span class="text Exod-17-12" id="en-NKJV-1996"><sup> </sup>But Moses’ hands became heavy; so they took a stone and put it
under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one
on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady
until the going down of the sun. </span><span class="text Exod-17-13" id="en-NKJV-1997"><sup> </sup>So Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.</span></i></b> <br />
<b><i><span class="text Exod-17-14" id="en-NKJV-1998">Then the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> said to Moses, “Write this for a memorial in the book and recount it in the hearing of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven.” </span><span class="text Exod-17-15" id="en-NKJV-1999"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>And Moses built an altar and called its name, The-<span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>-Is-My-Banner; </span><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>for he said, “Because the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has sworn: the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> will have war with Amalek from generation to generation."</span></i></b><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000">First off, I see this as a time for suffering for the Hebrew people, and by extension Moses. His arms grew weak, yet he knew that keeping them up in obedience to God was the key to winning the battle. But ultimately, it wasn't even about Moses' strength. Because it was a task to great for Moses to do alone. He needed others to come alongside him and support him. His weakness here was on full display. As were the children of Israel. It was not great military strategy or tactics, or great leaders, who brought victory. Ultimately, it was God using human vessels to reflect His glory. I can see this clearly here. I just sometimes struggle with what that looks like in my day to day life. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000">I think suffering well requires a lot more wisdom than I have. I think it means having discernment, and knowing when we are called to stand in victory against the enemy, but also discernment to recognize when we are only fighting the hand of God. Honestly, I want to be that kind of prayer warrior. I don't want to rail against God in his sovereign plans and purposes, but I also want to be cognizant of when those plans and purposes include me "lifting my hands" to ensure victory. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000">Thinking more on this, I think there is definitely a good kind of rest in Christ. One that rests in His unfailing love, that He is wiser and smarter than I could ever be, and a trust that He is going to "work all things for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). At the same time, it is not unbelief to pray for healing and restoration, but rather a command of God. If I ever use God's sovereignty as an excuse for lazy faith, I have failed to understand it rightly. For it says in James 5:14-20: </span><br />
<span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"><br /></span>
<i><b><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"> </span><span class="text Jas-5-14" id="en-KJV-30369">Is
any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let
them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:</span></b></i> <br />
<i><b><span class="text Jas-5-15" id="en-KJV-30370">And
the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him
up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text Jas-5-16" id="en-KJV-30371">Confess
your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be
healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text Jas-5-17" id="en-KJV-30372">Elias
was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly
that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of
three years and six months.</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text Jas-5-18" id="en-KJV-30373">And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text Jas-5-19" id="en-KJV-30374"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;</span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b><span class="text Jas-5-20" id="en-KJV-30375"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Let
him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way
shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.</span></b></i><br />
<br />
<span class="text Jas-5-20" id="en-KJV-30375">I see in this passage the flip side of God's sovereignty: that He also uses our prayers to change events and situations for His glory. The common denominator of both sides is a recognized neediness for Christ to be at work. Of myself, I can do nothing. That is where I so often struggle it seems. How often would I rather just DO something than wait on the Lord to be at work, and cry out to Him? But He is what I truly need to be at work. Any other thing, any other person, I place my trust in above Christ becomes an idol. Including myself. </span><i><b><span class="text Jas-5-20" id="en-KJV-30375"> </span></b></i><br />
<i><b>
</b></i><b><i><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"> </span></i><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"></span></b><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000">I share this not because I have arrived, but because this is the crux of where God is growing me. Oh Lord, I need greater wisdom. I need to be more like a child, and less like a woman, sometimes. And tonight, Lord, I need physical healing.. Thank you that you are faithful, even when I have not been. Maybe there is more to this than what I see: If so, Holy Spirit, teach me. Give me wisdom. Help me to always trust you, but also know when to fight against injustice. Or suffering. Help me accept what is mine to bear, and reject what is not from you. That's what I want, Lord. To be faithful in all things, not just easy things. </span><b><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"></span><i><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"></span><span class="text Exod-17-16" id="en-NKJV-2000"> </span></i></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-89988053829948667632014-11-20T23:58:00.002-05:002014-11-21T00:03:35.217-05:00"Teach us to number our days"<b><i>So teach us to number our days,</i></b><br />
<i><b>that we may gain a heart of wisdom</b>.</i><br />
-Psalm 90:12<br />
<br />
Today has been a difficult day. For most of the week, I had already been struggling with discouragement and heartbrokenness in some other areas of my life. But after some time in my Bible with friends last night, I felt encouraged and ready to step back into the "ring" and "gear up", so to speak. But then I started the day with a phone call from a good friend who informed me that another good friend had died. Thing is, the friend who passed away is not someone I have talked to in a long while, mainly because we moved and life is chaotic and busy in a home with six kids. This friend had a larger than average brood of her own, and so while we had talked of getting together for a visit, we were never able to make it happen. But in my heart, I still treasured this person and while I am deeply, deeply thankful for the time God had her in my life and her family was in my family's life, I also feel such heartache that the world no longer has her presence in it. Our daughters were friends as well, and well, it's just hard to consider that I will have to wait until heaven now to see her again. <br />
Then as I was in shock from the news of this and trying to confirm what had happened on the phone, my two year old got past the baby gate in the living room and went into my room and got into my hearing aid case. I realized she had escaped pretty quickly, but not fast enough to stop her from getting into the hearing aid batteries, two of which were spread out on the floor. And I couldn't remember if there were only two batteries in there, or if there had been three. I panicked, called poison control, and quickly took my baby girl to the ER to have a chest x ray. Thankfully, she had not ingested any.<br />
So today has been a roller coaster ride, and throughout it I have felt overwhelmed, in both good ways and bad ways. Overwhelmed by sadness, overwhelmed by how out of control I feel, and especially overwhelmed by my lack of ability to do anything to minister to friends far away other than pray for them. But when I consider my friend's life, I am also overwhelmed, but with good things: Overwhelmed with joyful tears when I remember laughing with her over the joys and trials of parenting, overwhelmed with encouragement when I remember some of the spiritual conversations we shared, and how she would spur me on to good works. Overwhelmed by God's goodness in my own life, that he would see fit to allow me to know this person and live a season of my life with her as my friend, and that we could share each others' load and make each other's burdens lighter, somehow, just by being friends. I wish that every relationship I had could be that meaningful and blessed. <br />
I came home to a meal that had been brought to our family by another good friend, one who has just come into my life since we moved to Alabama in the last couple years. Another friend who makes me glad to know her, and who challenges me by being my friend to love God more and to run the race with endurance. I am a blessed person, that I have SO MANY friends around me I can say that is true of. <br />
It is humbling and sobering to me to realize today anew that I have NO IDEA what the future holds. I could be here for fifty more years, or the Lord could call me home tomorrow. And last night, with friends, I discussed the scripture at the top: "Teach us to number our days." And from that conversation and hearing some of their thoughts as well, I believe I could say that that scripture means to live in a state of awareness of the finiteness of life. Every moment is sacred. Every moment we can choose how we will use it for the betterment of eternity. We should live with an awareness of accountability for the way we spend our minutes, our hours, our days, weeks, months, years. We should recognize the time we have for what it is: an opportunity to be stewards and give it back to Him. The giver. The one it belongs to really. Because all of our time is in His hands.<br />
2014 has been a hard year. I started the year out upbeat,eager to see what God would do. My family and I have seen challenges with our finances, struggles within our local church, as well as personal illnesses in our home. We have made three trips to the emergency room this year, which is a family record, I believe. Somewhere in the middle of 2014, I lost steam. I became focused on the problems I was seeing around me, and I lost sight of the race I was supposed to be running. And the running became hard, like running in mud. <br />
But 2014 has been a good year, as well. God worked out the details for a family vacation that we could never have afforded on our own, one that my kids were the ones to say they wanted and prayed for. I told them that we did not have the money to go on any expensive vacations this year, but they could pray about it and tell God their desires, trusting God that if he wanted to work it out, he could, but if he didn't we would be content without it. And then God amazed me and even in that trivial, inconsequential-in-my-mind-to-anything-of-eternal-value thing, He brought their prayers to fruition. Of course, even more important than a family vacation is my son's health. My son with Crohn's disease is doing better than ever. He feels well, he is gaining weight, and except for the NG tube he has in his nose a few days a week, you wouldn't even know he has an autoimmune condition. God has been faithful in so many areas of our life.<br />
<br />
There is so much I haven't done yet that I want to do. I haven't written a book. I haven't been to Ireland yet. Or New Zealand either. I haven't seen my children all grown up yet. But my times are in God's hands, and hopefully, as I am gaining a heart of wisdom by numbering my days, I will be increasingly faithful with how I spend that finite amount of time I have to spend on this earth, knowing that the choices I make will count for eternity. <br />
<br />
I have to say I like how Psalm 90 ends. Verses 15-17 say<i>:</i><br />
<br />
<i> <span class="text Ps-90-15" id="en-NKJV-15394">Make us glad according to the days in which You have afflicted us,</span><br /><span class="text Ps-90-15">The years in which we have seen evil.</span><span class="text Ps-90-16" id="en-NKJV-15395"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></i><br />
<i><span class="text Ps-90-16" id="en-NKJV-15395"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Let Your work appear to Your servants,</span><br /><span class="text Ps-90-16">And Your glory to their children.</span><span class="text Ps-90-17" id="en-NKJV-15396"></span></i><br />
<i><span class="text Ps-90-17" id="en-NKJV-15396">And let the beauty of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> our God be upon us,</span><br /><span class="text Ps-90-17">And establish the work of our hands for us;</span><br /><span class="text Ps-90-17">Yes, establish the work of our hands.</span></i> <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-55489692055990445182014-11-14T00:14:00.000-05:002014-11-14T00:15:28.619-05:00A poem: The Soldiers<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I wrote this poem last night, and thought I'd share it here.</div>
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The Soldiers</div>
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David was donning his saber,</div>
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Grand armies he fought in his yard!</div>
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And as he went out,</div>
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He declared with a shout,</div>
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“Mom, I'm off to work hard!”</div>
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"Where are you going?” said Mom.</div>
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(For Dave was quite handsomely bedecked</div>
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With a pirate's kerchief upon his head,</div>
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And much ammo around his neck.)</div>
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Jon followed him, wearing a sword,</div>
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And around his neck was a cape.
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The two young soldiers,
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Their armory worn,</div>
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Stared back at their mom, mouths agape.</div>
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“Mom, can't you tell? We are fighting!
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Defending the yard from our foes!</div>
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With a victory to win,
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Amidst all the din,</div>
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We'll probably dig out a foxhole.”</div>
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“Very well,” said Mom rather
calmly,</div>
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As she gave them a hug and much lovin',</div>
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“Just be sure to be done
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By fifteen to one,</div>
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For our lunch will be out of the oven.”</div>
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“Oh, we will, Mom. “ And outside
they jaunted,</div>
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Fearless and brave to the core.</div>
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And Mom paused and she smiled,</div>
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Wishing time would stop- for a while,</div>
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These two boys from growing much more.
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For right now, she knew, they pretended,</div>
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But someday they'd grow up to be men.
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And she hoped and she prayed</div>
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That for all of their days,</div>
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For truth and justice, they'd defend.</div>
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Someday, the foes would be real foes,</div>
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Like fear, and doubt, and greed,</div>
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Though the foes wouldn't be men,</div>
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Yet again and again,</div>
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They must do battle as they ever have
need.
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So Mom said a prayer as she watched
them,</div>
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That God would guard their
way,</div>
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And help her to be,</div>
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The mom that they'd need,</div>
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To teach them until that day.
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Then Mom said a prayer for their daddy,</div>
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For though he was strong and brave and
true,</div>
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It was wisdom he'd need,</div>
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From Jesus to lead,</div>
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And God's grace to see them all
through.
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-86626518430394195782014-03-04T23:21:00.002-05:002014-03-04T23:26:54.496-05:00Divine appointments<i><span class="text Mark-6-30">Then the apostles gathered to Jesus and told Him all things, both what they had done and what they had taught. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-31" id="en-NKJV-24439"><sup class="versenum">31 </sup><b>And He said to them, <span class="woj">“Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.”</span> For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat</b>. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-32" id="en-NKJV-24440"><sup class="versenum">32 </sup>So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves.</span></i> <br />
<i><span class="text Mark-6-33" id="en-NKJV-24441"><sup class="versenum">33<b> </b></sup><b>But the multitudes
saw them departing, and many knew Him and ran there on foot from all
the cities. They arrived before them and came together to Him.</b> </span> <span class="text Mark-6-34" id="en-NKJV-24442"><sup class="versenum">34 </sup>And
Jesus, when He came out, saw a great multitude and was moved with
compassion for them, because they were like sheep not having a shepherd.
So He began to teach them many things. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-35" id="en-NKJV-24443"><sup class="versenum">35 </sup>When the day was now far spent, His disciples came to Him and said, “This is a deserted place, and already the hour is late. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-36" id="en-NKJV-24444"><sup class="versenum">36 </sup>Send them away, that they may go into the surrounding country and villages and buy themselves bread;<sup> </sup>for they have nothing to eat.”</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Mark-6-37" id="en-NKJV-24445"><sup class="versenum">37 </sup>But He answered and said to them, <span class="woj">“You give them something to eat.”</span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="text Mark-6-37">And they said to Him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give them something to eat?”</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Mark-6-38" id="en-NKJV-24446"><sup class="versenum">38 </sup>But He said to them, <span class="woj">“How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”</span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="text Mark-6-38">And when they found out they said, “Five, and two fish.”</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Mark-6-39" id="en-NKJV-24447"><sup class="versenum">39 </sup>Then He commanded them to make them all sit down in groups on the green grass. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-40" id="en-NKJV-24448"><sup class="versenum">40 </sup>So they sat down in ranks, in hundreds and in fifties. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-41" id="en-NKJV-24449"><sup class="versenum">41 </sup>And when He had taken the five loaves and the two fish, He looked up to heaven, blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to His disciples to set before them; and the two fish He divided among them all. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-42" id="en-NKJV-24450"><sup class="versenum">42 </sup>So they all ate and were filled. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-43" id="en-NKJV-24451"><sup class="versenum">43 </sup>And they took up twelve baskets full of fragments and of the fish. </span> <span class="text Mark-6-44" id="en-NKJV-24452"><sup class="versenum">44 </sup>Now those who had eaten the loaves were about five thousand men. -</span></i><span class="text Mark-6-44" id="en-NKJV-24452">Mark 6:30-43</span><br />
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<br />
<br />
This is the passage the Lord brought to my attention tonight, and I had to share. Did you notice what it says in verse 31? The disciples were living such a hectic life of ministry that they didn't even have TIME to eat! I never noticed that before.<br />
<br />
Have you ever felt that way, as a mother with small children? I know I have. I remember well those first months of motherhood, when it seemed I was fortunate if I showered and dressed in a day, and even getting food in my body was a serious challenge. I also know how easy it is to use busyness as an excuse for letting our time alone with God slide to the end of our priorities. How awesome that we see Jesus here, challenging and encouraging the disciples to get away from the crowds for a while and seek the rest and quiet fellowship with Him that they needed.<br />
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Funny thing is, it didn't work out so well for them, did it? I mean they TRIED to get away from the crowds, but then what happens? The crowds FOLLOWED them. Sheesh. There have been times that just for the pleasure of a quiet moment, I have sought solitude....in the bathroom. Yes, I admit it. And even there, I have often found that little people will still come running. Because toddlers, and little guys, just like the crowds around Jesus apparently, don't have a great understanding of BOUNDARIES. lol It can be easy in that moment to get frustrated, and wonder if there will ever come another moment where someone is not expecting you to meet a need. That is an exaggeration, of course, but sometimes that is how it FEELS in that moment.<br />
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But I love what happens next. Did Jesus get angry or send the people away? No, instead we see that <br />
Jesus saw them clearly, through compassion's eyes, and that compassion sparked ACTIONS of love toward these hurting, needy people. Because he knew that while moments seeking the Father are a blessing and sometimes necessary, Jesus was always seeking to do the will of the Father. And he recognized what some would consider a major inconvenience, as actually an OPPORTUNITY for God to display His love and care in a miraculous way, and also even a way to once more TEACH the disciples (and boy did they need it.) By making themselves available for God to use them in an unplanned, inconvenient way, the disciples were the ones who benefited the most, because they came to know Jesus more intimately, in seeing His power on display. What an awesome thing it is to be used by God to bless someone else, and to be a witness to Him working in their life, using you as a vessel of honor to do His work!<br />
<br />
While the disciples were focused solely on what resources they could physically see as available to them, Jesus had an understanding of the divine reality that He was in no way limited by the physical realm, but only by God's limitless resources of ministry. And as He trusted the father, He was able to access what He needed in that moment to minister to those before Him. That is the kind of relationship I want with my heavenly father. Not a materialistic view of God, but one where I live in such sweet fellowship with Him, and awareness of His presence in my life, that I don't become impatient or unkind when my family, or others I am called to love, come to me with needs beyond my finite resources and energy. Instead, I want to immediately take it to God in prayer, and trust Him to meet that need according to HIS will, for that person's life and for mine as well. I want to be faithful to attempt my best to find time to get alone with God, to meditate on His word, and to be changed. But when my efforts to get alone with Him are thwarted, I want to recognize His sovereignty in my life and receive with gratitude, not frustration, the divine appointments with people he sends my way, some of them the little people within my own home. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-55503933422277745932014-02-19T21:34:00.001-05:002014-02-19T21:37:29.119-05:00Spiritual "amputation"<b><span class="text Matt-5-27"><span class="woj">“You have heard that it was said to those of old,</span><span class="woj">‘You shall not commit adultery.’</span></span><span class="text Matt-5-28" id="en-NKJV-23263"><sup class="versenum"> </sup><span class="woj">But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.</span> </span></b><b><span class="text Matt-5-29" id="en-NKJV-23264"><sup> </sup><span class="woj">If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast <i>it</i> from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.</span> </span></b><b><span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><sup> </sup><span class="woj">And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast <i>it</i> from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. -</span></span></b><span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">Matthew 5:27-30</span></span><br />
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I have been reading a booklet over the last few days by Jay Adams, entitled, <i>Temptation: Applying Radical Amputation to Life's Sinful Patterns. </i>Some of the ideas I am sharing here are discussed in that booklet, but some of the ideas I am sharing in this post were discussed at the counseling conference I attended last week. <span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">One of the things I took away from the conference was that when we counsel others, we should always strive to get to the root of a behavior, rather than just dealing with eliminating the outward manifestation of that behavior. Many times, if you can determine what the person is really wanting, you can then determine how to rethink about the issue in a Biblical way, and help them to demolish the idols in their own heart. The other idea I took away from the conference is the idea that repentance is much more than words. It involves not just the "putting off" of sinful behaviors, but the "putting on" of right behaviors. In other words, a thief stops being a thief not just when he quits stealing, but when he becomes generous. A liar quits being a liar not just when he quits lying, but when he decides to be truthful. And sometimes, in order to grow in godliness, "spiritual amputation" is necessary. </span></span><span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">But what does that mean, you ask?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj"> "Spiritual amputation" is what Jesus is talking about in the opening verses of this post. Matthew 5 is what I consider one of the greatest chapters of the Bible. Basically Jesus is teaching in his "sermon on the mount" about how the kingdom of God is supposed to work. He starts with the beatitudes, which are diametrically opposed to how most of the world's kingdoms operate. In God's economy, the greatest people are the most humble, the meek, and basically those who have come to a recognition that they are poor in spirit and need God to equip them and enable them to do His will. The most blessed are those who are hungry for God's truth, because they recognize that they are insufficient within themselves to be a reliable standard for righteousness. In God's kingdom, the most blessed are those who are persecuted when they have acted righteously on God's behalf, by loving others at cost to themselves. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">Jesus has bigger fish to fry than merely toppling political regimes, like the Roman government. No, instead Jesus is interested in toppling idols within human hearts. At this point, he goes on to say that his followers are to be salt and light in a dark world. He continues to expound on his points with examples, illustrating that the righteousness that God requires is more than mere outward behaviors; the truth is that these outward behaviors, like adultery and murder, are sins because they are an outward manifestations of the human heart. He's wanting his listeners to understand that what they need are not just to ACT holy, but to be MADE holy by God, on the inside. And it's at this point in his sermon that Jesus says the verses I have listed, and he tells us that it is better to cut off a part of yourself, and go to heaven, than to remain wholly intact and burn in hell. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">Jesus isn't speaking literally here, but figuratively. For the past few days, I've been reflecting on this concept and how it ties into Biblical repentance. The word repentance means to stop and go in the opposite direction. It encompasses so much more than just feeling bad or guilty for doing wrong; it entails agreeing with what God says about sin, and then aligning our thinking with His thinking. It means becoming wholeheartedly committed to crucifying the flesh and its attempts to be on the throne of our hearts. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">Sometimes, in order to do that, "spiritual amputation" is required. In this passage, Jesus is indicating how extreme the change might have to be, when he uses the "right eye" and the "right hand" as examples. Most people are right handed, so it would be a much bigger deal to lose the right hand, or dominant hand, than the left one. But sometimes, in order to overcome sin, we have to be willing to "handicap" ourselves, so to speak. </span></span><span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj"></span></span><span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">For example, in the movie <i>Fireproof, </i>the main character Caleb (played by Kirk Cameron) struggles with a pornography addiction, and at one point in the film, he becomes so determined to overcome his problem that he actually takes a baseball bat to his computer. This is what I am talking about when I say "spiritual amputation." When I am struggling to overcome any sin, especially sins which are steeped in habitual behavior patterns, one of the ways I can wage war on sin is by making it very difficult for me to sin on "autopilot." And that's where spiritual amptutation comes in. I am willing to deprive myself of something I consider convenient or that makes my life easier, if it means it will make it very difficult for me to engage in sin without consciously thinking about it and having to make a larger than average effort. </span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text Matt-5-30" id="en-NKJV-23265"><span class="woj">I am praying that God will help me have wisdom to apply this Biblical strategy to my own life, in the battle I am fighting, in conjunction with the Holy Spirit's work in my life, to manifest God's victory in my life over sin. I do this, not to earn my salvation, but because I have already been accepted and redeemed by my Savior through his life, death and resurrection as an atonement for my sins, and forsaking those sins is the only reasonable response to this great love that was bestowed on me. My desire to please God is so great that I am willing to sacrifice convenience and/or comfort in order to be more like Christ. I am not always there yet, to be honest, but that is the goal. That is where I want to be. The idea of progressive sanctification, of Overcoming sin, should be one of the expected consequences and fruits of every believer's conversion.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-30535226965827653572014-02-15T16:02:00.000-05:002014-02-15T16:06:02.875-05:00Limiting Facebook....ugh<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Finally, brethren, whatever things
are true, whatever things <i>are</i> noble, whatever things <i>are</i>
just, whatever things <i>are</i> pure, whatever things <i>are</i>
lovely, whatever things <i>are</i> of good report, if <i>there is</i>
any virtue and if <i>there is</i> anything praiseworthy—meditate on
these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and
saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
-Phillipians 4:8-9</b></div>
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I have been thinking on this verse the
last few days. The last week I spent at a Biblical counseling
conference in Indiana, being trained to help both myself and others to think
biblically about their life and problems. And I have also been
considering the way I try to reach out to others, and how effective
those things I do are. One of those things is facebook.</div>
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Now, I am not trying to bash facebook.
Facebook is not good or bad, of itself. It's like the internet; it's
just a tool.. And people can use tools for good or evil. What God
has been reminding me of, though, is that I want to, as the verse
above says, think on things that are “true.” That means not just
seeing the side of something that people want to present, but the
whole picture. It means seeing the best in someone, but also being
able to see the painful realities in a way that edifies and uplifts
the other person. It means being willing to weep with those who
weep, and laugh with those who laugh. I think there is a tendency
on facebook, because of the way the medium works, for people to show only
their best moments, and not to be honest in sharing their struggles
or real hurts. Again, I am generalizing here, because there are
certainly exceptions. And I think this is a tendency for all of
life, not just facebook, but because of the way that facebook is shared in
status posts and short snippets of a pictures of someone's day, it
seems to be more vulnerable to this being the case than other methods
of friendship building. The end result of this is that instead of
getting an accurate picture of the whole person, we get a one sided
view, that at times neither edifies or uplifts anyone.
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Life is not meant to be a spectator
sport. With that in mind, I have decided to keep my facebook, but
plan to be on there in a much more limited capacity. While there
have been times facebook has been a valuable ministry and
relationship building tool, more often than not it has been a
timesuck in my life, and distracted and hindered me from building
REAL relationships with people. Truth is, I love every one of my
facebook friends, though I am limited by geography and time in
expressing that love, as well as by the other person's willingness to
receive that love. What I wish is that I could know each of my fb
friends in a real, life transforming way for both of us. I wish I
could have families over for dinner, and that I could talk with the
ladies I know, individually, over a cup of coffee, and we could chat,
and share our struggles, and if they had something that would help me
in life, I would listen, and if I had something to help them in life,
they would listen. And not just listen; that is unsatisfying. But
that we would both be DOERS of the knowledge that would help us grow.
And both of us would prayerfully change and grow. But that isn't
what happens on Facebook most of the time. Many times I put things
up, and instead of it being life transforming, as I long for it to
be, it becomes another “soundbite”, another fragmented thought
for people to argue over or examine, apart from the context of real
relationship. And the fruit I see from that has been, frankly,
discouraging. There is nothing more frustrating to me than sharing a
thought that has really ministered to me, only to find that because
the other person has not been in my life or heard that thought in
the context of real relationship, the ideas become twisted and
deformed from what I meant them to be, and meaningless, endless
debating and arguing is the only result, it seems. I have very
little patience with that sort of thing. I have little drive to
force my beliefs on others, or to try to convince someone who has
already decided they need nothing from me, but only wish to argue for
the sake of arguing, or even to use my wall as a soapbox for their personal agenda. Respectful debate of ideas has its place in
life, but it can also be pointless if the other person only wishes
to change others, but never wishes to learn or grow themselves.
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I confess, however, that Facebook used as another means to grow
real relationships can be a wonderful thing. I have seen it do
that in instances where it has allowed me to keep contact with old
high school and college friends; for example, several college friends I had not seen in years even showed up at
the hospital to see us when Joseph was at Vanderbilt last summer. I
know that it can mobilize prayer for people. When we
are lonely and people are real, it can be a tool to remind us that
others are having similar struggles and we are not all alone. I have
also enjoyed private conversations with friends on facebook messaging
that have ministered and encouraged me. So I am not slamming
facebook; if I were, I would be removing my account entirely. But
I'm not. I am just hungry for more, and facebook isn't meeting my
needs, or helping me to meet many of the needs of others I see who
are actually the ones God has put around me, to build deeper
relationships and grow in discipleship.
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<br /></div>
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With that in mind, I believe I am
entering a new phase of my use of facebook. I will be uninstalling
my facebook app on my phone, and while this means that I won't be
sharing pictures (the downside for me in uninstalling it, since I share to bless relatives who are far away), I am hoping it will work to aid me in limiting the
amount of time I am on the internet. It's far too easy to click on my
phone, in a spare moment, and surf my home screen on facebook, rather than
to sit and engage in the world around me. I will also be removing my
game apps, like Words with Friends, again, not because they are all
evil or bad, but because FOR ME the times I use them are usually
times that I could be seeking to be involved in what's going on
around me, and I feel very convicted about that. At the same time, I
am not just going to be limiting facebook and other internet. I am
going to attempt to replace them with working toward intentional,
deeper relationship building with those God puts around me. I am
praying God will send me ladies to love in this capacity as well,
both inside my church and out. I am planning to facilitate a book
group/Bible study in my home on a monthly basis to have real, face to
face interaction. I am going to be doing more regular date nights
with my kids (I already do with Joe), and also some of that time I
will replace with reading books on growing and counseling and helping
others. I am also praying God will help me to more intentionally build relationship with my kids. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I will still be on facebook from time
to time, but I will no longer be posting as frequently. I will
continue to share links to my blog as I post, however, and lurking
from time to time. Emails will be a more reliable form of
communication, however. :)</div>
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<br /></div>
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Why am I sharing this? For a couple
reasons. First of all, I want prayer, because I need discernment and discipline to
be aggressive in doing the will of God in my life, and I don't want
to miss divine appointments or opportunities. And discipline is one
of those fruits of the spirit I am sorely lacking. Secondly,
I want people to know that if they are feeling empty or disconnected,
that they are not alone. Thirdly, the best thing I think we can do is
take our focus off ourselves and be the proactive person to reach out
beyond ourselves to others. It is all too easy to complain that others
aren't being open and reaching out to us, but it isn't really helpful
to making our situations better. And I would rather be open and
honest about my struggles, and make a move toward someone that
results in people rejecting me, but eventually I will find the people
who will love me and walk with me, than be the hypocrite who
complains that no one cares, but in effect I am doing the same thing
because I keep myself closed off from others. And truthfully, I can
say from my facebook wall, there are many, many other people out
there who are open and honest and want real relationships. Some of them may be as lost as I am about how to achieve those
kinds of relationships. But clueless or not, I am going to make the
effort to try.
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<br /></div>
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Hopefully, when I have achieved a
better balance in my life, I will be able to return to Facebook in a
larger capacity, posting again, without it becoming the behemoth time
sucker that it has often been. Until then, if you are a facebook
friend, and you are interested in possibly getting together to do a
book club on growth/bible study once a month, then contact me by
email and I will let you know when I have a date set.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Want to know the funny thing about the
verse I shared at the beginning? If you look at the rest of the
chapter, the context of that verse is relationships: our relationship
with God first, but also, our relationship with others. The first
part of the chapter immediately preceding the above verse says this:</div>
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<br /></div>
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29444"></a><b>Therefore, my beloved and
longed-for brethren, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord,
beloved.</b><br />
<b>I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind
in the Lord. And I urge you also, true companion, help these women
who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of
my fellow workers, whose names <i>are</i> in the Book of Life.</b><br />
<b>Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!</b><br />
<b>Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord <i>is</i> at
hand.</b><br />
<b>Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and
supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to
God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will
guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.</b><br />
<h3 class="western">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29451"></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Then
listen to the verses following the verses that I quoted earlier:</span></span></h3>
<h3 class="western">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29454"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29455"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29456"></a>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last
your care for me has flourished again; though you surely did care,
but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in regard to need, for I
have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be
abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have
learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to
suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.</b></span></h3>
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29457"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29458"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29459"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29460"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29461"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29462"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29463"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29464"></a>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Nevertheless you have done well that you shared in my
distress. Now you Philippians know also that in the beginning of the
gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church shared with me
concerning giving and receiving but you only. For even in
Thessalonica you sent <i>aid</i> once and again for my necessities.
Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your
account. Indeed I have all and abound. I am full, having received
from Epaphroditus the things <i>sent</i> from you, a sweet-smelling
aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well pleasing to God. And my God
shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ
Jesus. Now to our God and Father <i>be</i> glory forever and ever.
Amen. </b></span>
<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="en-NKJV-29465"></a><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Greet every saint in
Christ Jesus. The brethren who are with me greet you. All the saints
greet you, but especially those who are of Caesar’s household.</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Do you see that? We need
our relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ to be deep
enough, authentic enough, that we are invested in each other's lives.
And that won't happen, for me, if I am not willing to step out and
open myself to other people, even their rejection. And I don't say
that in a trite manner; I have known plenty of that in the past, and
I am sure I will know it it in the future. But it's irrelevant to
the calling God has on my life to love others. </span>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4673435669716463476.post-31135939160236713332014-01-31T17:57:00.001-05:002017-11-18T01:02:14.894-05:00Character qualities for Close FriendshipOne of my favorite characters in literature is Anne of Green Gables. I especially love the relationship that Anne has with her friend Diana Barry, whom she calls her "bosom friend." That kind of friendship is the rarest, most precious treasure of friendship that we can have, I think. <br />
<br />
I have had the privilege of having some really close, "heart-to-heart" friendships with other women that God has brought into my life, but I will be honest in saying it's been a LONG time since I have had that kind of relationship. Joe and I have reached a great place in our marriage, and for that I feel incredibly blessed and thankful, but I don't believe anyone apart from God is meant to fill EVERY need in our lives. Joe is not my savior, nor would it be realistic, or even healthy, for me to expect him to be. It's taken me a while to figure that one out, I admit.<br />
<br />
So, while I am not lonely in my marriage, I confess that I would like to cultivate God-honoring, deeper friendships with at least a few ladies to hold each other accountable, to help me to grow into a more Godly wife and mom, and to just spur each other on to good works in Him. I've had trouble at times in the past in recognizing when a relationship I had with someone was one that I could pursue as a deeper relationship, and when someone didn't really want to be more than an acquaintance. Thinking about this made me consider what qualities I would be looking for in the kind of friend I am talking about, and then the idea of making a list of those qualities appealed to me, in order to clarify what I am looking for in a deeper friendship, and hopefully it will call out to those ladies I know who might be hungry for this as well. So without further ado, here are the qualities I am looking for in a close friendship with other ladies, and that I also would wish to cultivate in myself to be the kind of friend that I would want to have:<br />
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1. First off, you have to WANT to have close friends yourself, and not feel satisfied by what friendships you already have, that you have closed yourself off to additional, deeper friendships. This is NOT an attack on those who already have close friends and want no more; I recognize that we all have limits to what we are able to handle and maintain with regards to relationships, and sometimes the fact of the matter is that some people have no more room in their heart or life for any more additional close friendships. I get that. While I do think in a more general way people, most especially Christians, should seek to be inclusive rather than exclusive where they are able, I don't expect that everyone I meet should make room for me to be in their "inner circle". Even Jesus chose the apostles, and from then, he had an inner circle of guys that he was more intentional about pouring his life into. If this is how he was in life, why would I expect to be different? So if you are reading this post, and your life is too full already, I understand, but apparently we are not called to be best friends.<br />
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2. I value true tolerance, coupled with honesty, truth seeking, and humility. In other words, if you want to be my bestie, you do NOT have to live your life just like me. You can work 9 to 5, your kids can go to public school, you can eat cereal and Dominoes for dinner every night of the week , you can be an organic vegan tofu foodie, or you can be better at me than housekeeping (which isn't hard to be, actually lol), you can be a Democrat or Republican (I am libertarian, but I digress), you can have NO children or one child or twenty children, dye your hair purple and be covered in piercings and tattoos (which I find unattractive and don't see the draw of, but again, is irrelevant to my point), you can be divorced or single or married (though I'd prefer if you weren't married to the mob, but again I digress), you can believe evolution is true or intelligent design. Here is the deal: you can be almost anything that I am not, so long as you RESPECT what I am, and we are able to TALK about our different points of view without name calling, and you are OPEN to new ideas and wanting to learn something. If your automatic assumption is that all Christian, homeschooling moms of four or more kids are judgemental and insane, that only backwoods hillbillies who have the IQ of a piece of lint teach their children about creation science, and the lifestyle God has CALLED me to live for MY family offends you, then we are going to have trouble finding common ground. If every time someone questions something in your life, you get offended that they DARE to say a decision you have made might be detrimental to you, then we also have problems. I have no issue with people who believe differently than me, when someone I care about brings a concern to me, I try my best to listen to what they are saying, unless they try to FORCE their way upon me or belittle me for being different. There has to atleast be common ground of mutual respect for each other to have any meaningful relationship. True tolerance doesn't demand that we all be exactly the same; it says that we can strive to live side by side and pray for one another, even if we disagree or even think the other person is wrong about something. It says we can discuss and think through ideas, and be humble enough to respect when we disagree, and expect to learn from others. I want to have friends that challenge me to grow as a person, and even help me to grow in my faith by thinking about things and really examining the reasons I do what I do, and think what I think. But if it's totally one sided, if they think the only reason they want close to me is to change me, but never honestly receive anything themselves, then I don't see how the friendship will be that beneficial.<br />
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3. I will say I am really hoping that the Lord will bring some other Christian ladies in my life, to have this sort of friendship with, that we can help each other grow in our faith. I don't mean that is a requirement to be my friend, or even a close friend that I will love deeply, just for me, it would be a blessing to have a friend of like faith, one who also WANTS to grow in their walk with the Lord, and KNOWING Him more and more. And for this particular kind of friend, I would love for us to have the common ground of LOVING the WORD OF GOD more than our own opinions and ideas. Sometimes, as a Christian, it can feel like the culture, and even cultural Christianity, are at odds with my faith. It would be wonderful to have a friend who prayed with me, and valued growth in their walk as much as I did.<br />
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4. To be a heart friend, you have to be willing to be VULNERABLE, and AUTHENTIC. If you are unwilling to admit you have struggles, or questions, or that you sometimes have problems, if you are one of those people who thrives on public appearances and a positive public image, then I am probably not the best friend you want or need. At the same time, it'd be great to find a person like that who also likes to laugh and looks to have joy and have fun in life. If we can spur each other onward to contentment in all things, but also see areas of life that need improvement and spur each other on to that as well, then that would be pretty much awesome.<br />
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5. You have to be willing to care about my concerns and needs as well as your own passionate projects. By this, I mean I think it's great if you have something you feel strongly about; I have those things too. Isn't finding a cure for Crohn's disease at the top of everyone's list of important things? Also, I think homeschooling is awesome. Oh wait, you mean not everyone feels that way? Well, that's okay. I can respect that your life may revolve around other things than mine. But if the only time you really care about interacting with me is when I try to understand the passion you feel for your particular passion, then probably we won't be heart friends. We can be friends who like each other and understand a common passion together, but heart friends like each other for themselves, not just that the other person will listen to them talk ad nausiem about their one particular cause or passion. This is an area of particular concern in my search for heart friends, because I have been misled in the past. I have formed friendships with people in the past, sought to understand them through their passionate cause of choice, only to figure out that the care they felt for me was limited to the degree I was interested in their hobby, or cause, or even network marketing company. There is nothing wrong with sales; it's an honorable profession. But if you feel that the only way I will be able to grow in fellowship with you is to embrace this secondary thing you do, then it's probably good for me to know that upfront, accept our relationship for what it is (which is fine, in its proper place), and move on to continue looking for those who are willing to be selfless enough to put as much energy in knowing me and loving me as a person, without gain to their cause, as I want to know them.<br />
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6. If you want to be my heart friend, don't marginalize my sacrifices in life, and I'll try not to marginalize yours either. In other words, don't say, when you hear I have six kids, "Oh wow, you must have the patience of Mother Theresa! I could never do that! I would just go insane with that many kids, trapped with them at home all day!" First off, if God calls you to do something, he equips you to do it. That doesn't, however, mean it's all smooth sailing, or that things won't be hard some days. I make sacrifices to do what I do. I know that other people, who have made different choices than I have made, have made their own kinds of sacrifices. How about if we just accept that God is doing sometimes different things in our lives, and that looks different for different people? I can't imagine what it's like to be a single parent, or a woman whose husband is deployed, or any myriad of things, but I make it my goal to try to understand best as I can, and not trivialize their sacrifices by saying how I am too good to ever be in their shoes. Since I don't know what the future holds, it would require an immense amount of pride for me to do that. <br />
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5. Walking in love and forgiveness is an essential trait of being a heart friend. If you are one of those people that holds a grudge forever, then it's going to be really hard for our friendship to grow. I am going to mess up, and make mistakes, and say something stupid. And so are you. If we know each other long enough, the flaws and any sin issues we have are going to be exposed. And growth is messy. I want to know that we can have permission to be imperfect and make mistakes, but be slow to anger and quick to forgive.<br />
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6. If we are going to be heart friends, gossip will have no place in our relationship. I want to know when we share our flaws, that they will not be used as weapons. No one is perfect, and as someone who has a big mouth, I know what it is to say something you regret. But I want to know that we will both value keeping a confidence, and that we will strive to see not just the best in each other, but in others as well.<br />
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7. The last thing I would really like in a heart friend involves geography, but it isn't the most essential thing. It would just be really helpful if said friend lived close enough we could actually hang out sometimes. IF you live farther away, that's okay too, if you are willing to call or visit or just put forth effort to maintain the friendship. I have several good friends, that were heart friends at one time, but now due to geography and the busyness of our lives, we just are not as emotionally close as we used to be. And that is just life; I am as much to blame as they are. I know they know I love them, and they love me. We are just at different places in our lives now, and that's how life is.<br />
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I am posting this, hoping that there are others out there, especially locally, who maybe want that kind of friendship too. I am hoping soon to start a Bible study soon in my home with ladies who are looking for just that kind of friendship. If that interests you, let me know by private message. If it doesn't, that's fine too. I would appreciate prayer though; I sincerely want to be intentional about loving and building relationships with those God has called me to love, and I need Him to show me and give me discernment and wisdom in this area. <br />
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